Sunday, July 10, 2005

Turd Blossom

Date: February 11th, 2004:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush said Tuesday he welcomes a Justice Department investigation into who revealed the classified identity of a CIA operative.

"If there's a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is," Bush told reporters at an impromptu news conference during a fund-raising stop in Chicago, Illinois. "If the person has violated law, that person will be taken care of.

"I welcome the investigation. I am absolutely confident the Justice Department will do a good job.

"I want to know the truth," the president continued. "Leaks of classified information are bad things."


Fast forward to July 10th, 2005:

The newsmagazine has obtained documentary evidence that White House deputy chief of staff Karl Rove was indeed a key source for Time magazine's Matt Cooper and that Rove--prior to the publication of the Bob Novak column that first publicly disclosed Valerie Wilson/Plame as a CIA official--told Cooper that former Ambassador Joseph Wilson's wife apparently worked at the CIA and was involved in Joseph Wilson's now-controversial trip to Niger.


Does that mean that Turd Blossom isn't with us, he's against us?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Oh please, please, PLEASE let this work!

This would be so fucking awesome.


Weare, New Hampshire (PRWEB) Could a hotel be built on the land owned by Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court which was supported by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A private developer is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on Souter's land.

Justice Souter's vote in the "Kelo vs. City of New London" decision allows city governments to take land from one private owner and give it to another if the government will generate greater tax revenue or other economic benefits when the land is developed by the new owner.

On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.

The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans.

"This is not a prank" said Clements, "The Towne of Weare has five people on the Board of Selectmen. If three of them vote to use the power of eminent domain to take this land from Mr. Souter we can begin our hotel development."

Clements' plan is to raise investment capital from wealthy pro-liberty investors and draw up architectural plans. These plans would then be used to raise investment capital for the project. Clements hopes that regular customers of the hotel might include supporters of the Institute For Justice and participants in the Free State Project among others.

C'mon "activist judges!" Stick it to the fucker!

Friday, June 24, 2005


You see???? They sure don't waste any time, do they?

Freeport to seize 3 properties

Court's decision empowers the city to acquire the site for a new marina

FREEPORT - With Thursday's Supreme Court decision, Freeport officials instructed attorneys to begin preparing legal documents to seize three pieces of waterfront property along the Old Brazos River from two seafood companies for construction of an $8 million private boat marina.

The court, in a 5-4 decision, ruled that cities may bulldoze people's homes or businesses to make way for shopping malls or other private development. The decision gives local governments broad power to seize private property to generate tax revenue.

"This is the last little piece of the puzzle to put the project together," Freeport Mayor Jim Phillips said...

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Hear that flushing sound?

That's the sound of America, going down the tubes.

No more internet boobies. (See previous post)
Free speech being crushed. (See previous post)
Now you can lose your house and property to Wal*Mart (can't even blame Bush for this one.)


First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Fourth Amendment:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Fifth Amendment:
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

I love my country, but I'm finding it harder and harder to tolerate and deal with not only the government, but with my fellow citizens. It's because of your apathy and bickering that this is happening. What ever happened to ONE NATION, UNITED? Politics isn't a fucking game, with winners and losers! How can we ever get this nation back on course if we can't stop fighting amongst ourselves? I really can't believe that people are just letting this shit happen to them! I've seen some REALLY stupid shit in my time, but this.... WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND WRITE TO YOUR GODDAMN SENATORS WHEN SHIT HAPPENS?!?!?! Fuck me! Holding a sign and standing outside the capitol doesn't do SHIT. You want to put up a fight? Hand-write a letter stating your greviances, and snail-mail it to your congressperson. Email won't do shit. Take the time to buy postage and send it. 1000 envelopes with angry letters can't be deleted as easily as 1000 emails. And STOP defending your political party no matter what they do. Liberal democrats, conservative Republicans, Libertarians, Greens... You're all wrong in some way, shape or form. Have the balls to admit it, and stand up to injustice, instead of convincing yourselves that a minor infraction of your rights isn't that big a deal.

BECAUSE IT IS. Just ask the people who are getting their homes bulldozed in order to make way for a health club and an office park. Ask the people whose homes are being legally raided under the USA PATRIOT ACT. Shit, just go to the local library and see if you can find a copy of Heather Has Two Mommies.

Here are your choices. Grease up your asshole, or remember that you have a spine, a brain and power in numbers.

The kittens are safe, but we're fucked.

Once again, I would like to extend my deepest thanks and praise to any and all of the incredibly ignorant and dimwitted fuckwads that voted for GWB.

YOU made this possible:

US Code 18, Section 2257

Basically, as of midnight, this federal law requires website owners to keep records documenting, among other things, that "every performer portrayed in a visual depiction of actual sexually explicit conduct" is over the age of 18. That's not just porn, folks. We're talking webcams, adult-themed cartoons, certain parts of and so much more. Not just that, but under the proposed changes, some forms of ID now commonly used for age verification will no longer be accepted - among them, Selective Service cards and college IDs.

Records for every model or actor would have to be indexed alphabetically by legal name ("or numerically where appropriate"), and include all stage names used since 1992.

The updated regulation would also mandate that records be cross-referenced by title, number or alternate identifier for every publication in which they're involved - including print, broadcast, online photos, streaming video and other media. Not only that, but under 75.1 (c)(2), the term "distributor" is redefined to include posting on an internet web site. Specifically the term "secondary producer" is defined to include anyone who posts a digital image on an internet site.

That bears repeating.



This is now considered to be pornography. In order to show this on a website, I must provide the following:

The full legal name of the model
John Stickfigure
Jane Stickfigure

All other names, (maden/married/stage name, aliases)
John S
John The Stick
Jane Sticky
Jane Markwitchz

Copy of the depiction, printed on the paper record.

Copy of every associated URL the image is displayed on, and the URL of the image every place it appears.

I must also maintain indexes which find the record alphabetically, numerically, by the performer's last name (followed by first), aliases, stage names, title, and identifying marks. Yes, I have to record each and every tattoo that said actor has on his/her body.

If someone else should reuse this image on their site, but linking it from my server, I must also append my records then. If put my picture on their site, linked from my server, I must update my records accordingly.

If the indexing and record keeping weren't enough, there are rules for record maintenance and retention and inspection.

The record must be maintained at my place of business. I cannot have a 3rd party company maintain my records for me. I must keep these records segregated from any other records. I must keep the records intact for 7 years from creation or amendment, and finally even if my organization should fail, I'm required to keep these records on file for 5 years, which makes the following interesting.

My location must be available for inspection from 8am to 6pm, 365 days a year. I understand this has been amended to only be 20 hours per week.

While "inspecting records", the agents may seize any evidence of any felony while conducting an inspection. Basically, they're opening up a door for warrentless entry into any adult business (adult video store, book store, or Internet business)

Ahhh, and the disclosure statement. Several paragraphs in 11 point type, on the front page of the site, saying the title of the work, date of production, publication, duplication, reproduction, or reissuance, the street address where the records are kept, and the name, title, and business address of the custodian of records.

One more right taken away from you, thanks in part to BushCo. Honestly, what's next? Oh, I know. It's a constitutional amendment that bans burning the flag! Why am I opposed to this?

Because no one even displays proper flag etiquette. No one shines a light on it at night. People drive around in Ford Excursions with tattered, faded and soiled flags on the wrong side of their car (yes, there is a correct side to display it on). People write jingoistic catchphrases across the flag, and then slap the image on coffee cups, lighters, bumperstickers and even thongs and undershirts. I'm sure I could find an American flag condom if I looked hard enough. People leave them up after they've been faded to a light pink. And I'm willing to bet that most people don't dispose of the flag in the proper way (ironically, the correct way to dispose of a flag is to burn it.)

I've seen McDonald's flags flown above the US flag. I've seen Denver Broncos flags flown at the same height as the US Flag. I've seen them displayed at full mast all day on Memorial Day. I've seen them dragging on the ground, displayed during rain and hailstorms, and flown backwards. I've seen them on fucking PIZZA BOXES! You're not supposed to put them on items that are designed for discard. That in itself is disrespectful.

Even more than that, I am opposed to this because it takes away another one of my freedoms. The freedom to protest. If I burn a flag, it's a sign that I am unhappy with what the flag represents. Listen, the flag is a piece of cloth. Most likely, it was made in China or Korea. It represents different things to different people. To a Vietnam vet, it might symbolize how this nation shunned them when they returned from the war. To some, it represents everything that is right with this country. To others, it represents everything that is wrong with this country. To me, it's a symbol of how bass-ackwards we have become. We put more stock into petty shit like this (anti-flag burning bills have fizzled in the senate for about 30 years now), than we do to important issues. And the way that certain people are going about promoting this egregious Constitutional Amendment, well, it really makes me feel physically ill. I'm speaking in particular about Randy Cunningham, California asshat. He contributed this priceless gem:

"Ask the men and women who stood on top of the (World) Trade Center," said Rep. Randy (Duke) Cunningham, R-Calif. "Ask them and they will tell you: pass this amendment."

FUCK YOU. Using 9/11 victims to promote your cause is one of the most vile and unforgivable things that a person in your position could do, and I am going out to purchase a flag, JUST TO BURN IT. But first, I am going to write on it the name of every senator who voted in favor of this horseshit.

Think about this: the Iranian government prevents Iranians from burning Iran's flags. The Chinese government prevents Chinese from burning China's flags. The Cuban government prevents Cubans from burning Cuba's flag. Next in line? USA!

By the way, if you haven't contacted your senator about this yet, please do so.

"No one ever died for a flag. A flag is a piece of cloth. They might have died for freedom, which is also of course the freedom to burn the fucking flag."
-Bill Hicks

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

That's what I thought

Dear Bob and Mary Schindler, President Bush, Dr. Frist, the Religious Right, idiots in Congress and everyone else who insisted that Terry Schiavo would still be able to recover:


#1 - Terri's brain was 200g -less- than another patient who died in PVS, and less than half the expected weight of a woman her age.

#2 -Tthere was marked atrophy (shrinkage) of the brain globally, to the point that certain areas of the brain that are expected to be 'packed together', were, in fact, loosely floating about.

#3 - She had a thalamic stimulator installed (an electrical device designed to stimulate the brain) in an attempt to revive some of her function. This stimulator prevented the ability to do an MRI, due to overheating of the electrodes being reported in previous cases of MRI's on stimulators.

#4 - She had smaller than expected optic nerves, otherwise her cranial nerves were normal. Optic nerves are the nerves responsible for receiving optic information from the eyes and passing it to the occipital lobe, along with other lobes of the brain. The clinical implication of this is difficult to understand, but it is likely indicative of non-functioning eyesight/vision. Essentially, she was blind.

Wait... you mean that she really didn't see those balloons that were floating in front of her face? It was all a ruse, and the videos were doctored? Well, fuck me running! Should we be expecting an apology from all the hardcore fanatics, the Bush camp and the GOP? Of course not! That would mean admitting you were WRONG. And who needs scientific and factual proof when you have God on your side?

Image Hosted by

Monday, June 06, 2005

6-3 against


U.S. Supreme Court Rules Against Use of Medical Marijuana

June 6 (Bloomberg) -- The U.S. Supreme Court dealt a setback to the medical marijuana movement, ruling that federal narcotics laws make it a crime to grow and use the drug even when it never crosses state lines and is used only to relieve pain or nausea.

The justices today said Congress's power over interstate commerce is broad enough to let it ban locally grown and used medical marijuana. The 6-3 ruling, issued in Washington, overturns a lower court decision that had let two California women use cannabis to treat pain, nausea and other symptoms.

California and nine other states exempt seriously ill people from laws banning cultivation and use of marijuana. Today's ruling means people in those states nonetheless will face the risk of federal prosecution if they use or distribute marijuana.

The case is Ashcroft v. Raich, 03-1454.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Charlie Brown wants to give me money!

Gmail has done a fabulous job of filtering out spam (they also just added a link to report phishing attempts, which is kinda cool), but one got through today. It gave me a great laugh, so I am going to share it with you. As you're reading through it, please note the absence of capital letters, and the unintentional misspellings. As a cunning linguist, this email irritated me in so many different ways, and you'll soon see why...


From: mr. Charles Brown.
24 river lane government
reserved area, Abuja.

Attention please! strictly confidential!

Dear sir,

With all due respect, i guess my letter will not embarrass you, since i have
no previous correspondence with you. i strongly believed, i would not regret
approaching you in this matter. i am mr.charles brown, a solicitor at law
and the personal attorney to late mr. Mark Michelle, a french national. late
mr.mark ichelle is a private oil consultant/contractor with the shell
petroleum development in saudi arabia, herein after shall be
referred to as my client.

(Charlie Brown - great psuedonym, by the way - wants to let me know that either Mark Michelle or Mark Ichelle, with Shell Oil has an *important* message for me! Well, the email's not from Nigeria, so it must be real! I'm gonna read on!)

I have avery urgent and mutual business relationship to propose to you. On
thursday june 6th 2000, my client and his wife with their three children
were involved in an auto clash, all occupants of the vehicle unfortunately
lost their lives. since then, i have made several enquiries with his
country's embassies to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has
also proved unsuccessful. after these several unsuccessful attempts, i
decided to personally contact you with this business partnership proposal. i
have contacted you to assist in repatriating a huge amount of money left
behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by
the finance and security company where these huge deposit was lodged. the
deceased had a deposit valued presently at $12,000,000.00
million us dollars (twelve million united state dollars) and company has
issued me a notice to provide his next of kin or beneficiary by will
otherwise have the account confiscated within the next thirty working days.

(So, the guy and his family die almost 5 YEARS ago , and he waits until 30 days before the account gets closed to contact me. Great fucking timing there, genius. Maybe he was also in a deadly auto clash. Auto Clash, is he Japanese all of a sudden? Or is that what happens when you put your Joe Strummer CD on repeat?)

Having been unsuccessful in locating any of my late client relatives for
over two (2) years now. i am now seeking your consent to present you as the
next of kin/beneficiary to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account
valued at $ 12 million united states dollars can be paid to you. it is not
necessary to be a blood relation to late mr. mark michelle, neither is it
necessary to bear the same surname with him. it is even not important for
the stand-in next of kin to be a french national.

(So, according to French math, 2000 + 2 years = 2005? And if it's not necessary to be a blood relation, share a surname or even be the next of kin to a French national, why the hell isn't he taking the TWELVE MILLION DOLLARS?)

Already, i have worked out modalities for achieving my aim of
appointing a next of kin as well as transfer the money abroad for us to
share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% to you. it is my intention to
achieve this transfer in a legitimate way, all i required is your honest,
co-operation,confidentiality and trust to enable us see this transaction
through. the money transfer paper work itself will include a certificate
of origin so that the receiving bank does not ask question. also the paper
work will include proper certificate that the fund being transferred is
from non-criminal sources. in short this will be a proper and legal money
transfer with apparently no risk involved. the transaction
is guaranteed to succeed without any problem.

(Oh, he's taking over half the money. Greedy bastard. Well, that still leaves me with about 5 million, I can live with that.)

As soon as i hear from you, i shall provide you with further
clarification that you may need.

your urgent response will be highly anticipated and appreciated. Best

Mr.Charles Brown.

Note: in the event you are not willing to assist, kindly notify me to
prevent me from making further contact.

*******END TRANSMISSION*******

So, should I take him up on it? I don't want to sound gullible, but it seems completely legit to me; they didn't pester me for my SSN, my bank account number or even my real name or birthdate. It's gotta be real!

I'll be going Jeeping and camping this weekend (wooo! Memorial Day!!!) and won't have time to reply to him with something wever and clitty, but I'm open to any suggestions about how I should reply to Chuck. If you're a regular reader of this blog, then you know that I like to send angry, snarky letters to people and companies that raise my ire, so if anyone has any ideas, let me know. I'll be back on Monday evening with some pictures to post, and hopefully some stories to tell.

Have a great holiday!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

So NOW he tells the truth?

President Participates in Social Security Conversation in New York:

"Now, a personal savings account would be a part of a Social Security retirement system. It would be a part of what you would have to retire when you reach retirement age. As you -- as I mentioned to you earlier, we're going to redesign the current system. If you've retired, you don't have anything to worry about -- third time I've said that. (Laughter.) I'll probably say it three more times. See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." (Applause.)

Now say it with me, kids.

Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11
Iraq was responsible for 9/11

Got it? Man, I don't know if I'm more scared at the fact that he admitted to "catapulting the propaganda," or the fact that people actually APPLAUDED him after he said that.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Enough is enough

You know what? I've absolutely had it with you goddamn churchies. Catholics, Christians, Baptists... you're all a bunch of fucking loons, and I would appreciate it if you would either Darwin yourself, or move to Rwanda. They'll love you there.

And for those of you who continually email me when I put up something anti-religious, let me just say that you did this to yourselves. Christianity is now viewed by a large number of people on this planet to be equal to fundamentalist Islam. You're one suicide bomber short of becoming a fucking terrorist organization. Believe me when I say that you people belong to a well-established cult. Nothing more. The only difference between Christianity and Scientology is Christianity has been around for a bit longer. Please, make a conscious effort to stay at least 50 feet away from me, and keep your stories about your invisible man to yourself. I outgrew Santa when I was 9, God lasted exactly 2 years longer, and I have no intentions of letting that asshole back into my life.

Now that I have that out of the way, here's a few examples of why I have more tolerance and respect for a Jehovah's Witness than for you. At least the Witnesses will leave you alone if you don't answer your door. They don't break in and try to convert you to stupidity their religion.

By they way, all instances of extreme idiocy are emphasized.

Example 1:


Ken Ham has spent 11 years working on a museum that poses the big question - when and how did life begin? Ham hopes to soon offer an answer to that question in his still-unfinished Creation Museum in northern Kentucky.

The $25 million monument to creationism offers Ham's view that God created the world in six, 24-hour days on a planet just 6,000 years old. (I guess you no longer need facts in order to label something a "museum". Not surprising, they haven't been included in school textbooks for some time now, so this is just a natural progression. Personally, I would have named this monstrosity "The Godatorium.") The largest museum of its kind in the world, it hopes to draw 600,000 people from the Midwest and beyond in its first year.

Ham, 53, isn't bothered that his literal interpretation of the Bible runs counter to accepted scientific theory, which says Earth and its life forms evolved over billions of years.
(Yeah! Screw facts, scientific evidence and this newfangled thing called "evolution." It's much easier to believe in magic, or maybe Tarot cards.)

Ham said the museum is a way of reaching more people along with the Answers in Genesis Web site, which claims to get 10 million page views per month and his "Answers ... with Ken Ham" radio show, carried by more than 725 stations worldwide.

"People will get saved here," Ham said of the museum. "It's going to fire people up. If nothing else, it's going to get them to question their own position of what they believe."

Ham is ready for a fight over his beliefs - based on a literal interpretation of the book of Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament.

"It's a foundational battle," said Ham, a native of Australia who still speaks with an accent. "You've got to get people believing the right history - and believing that you can trust the Bible."

Among Ham's beliefs are that the Earth is about 6,000 years old, a figure arrived at by tracing the biblical genealogies, and not 4.5 billion years, as mainstream scientists say; the Grand Canyon was formed not by erosion over millions of years, but by floodwaters in a matter of days or weeks and that dinosaurs and man once coexisted, and dozens of the creatures - including Tyrannosaurus Rex - were passengers on the ark built by Noah, who was a real man, not a myth.
(So, carbon and radon dating are now tools of the devil, and not to be trusted? I can blast water through millions of tons of rock in a matter of a few weeks to create the Grand Canyon? Well, shit. Was the Royal Gorge in Colorado made by that flood as well? And a T-Rex on Noah's Ark? Jesus Christ monkey balls! Hook me up with the shit you're smoking! I wanna see a T-Rex on a boat!)


"He takes extraordinary liberties with Scripture and theology to prove his point," Adams said. "The bottom line is, he is anti-gay, and he uses that card all the time."

Ham says homosexual behavior is a sin. But he adds that he's careful to condemn the behavior, not the person. (So, he just hates buttsex, but not the perpetrators? Sounds like he had an "experience" that he's rather ashamed of...)

If that wasn't enough for you, here's another group of retards to point and laugh at.


TUPELO, Miss. -- A conservative Christian group has ended its nine-year boycott against the Walt Disney Co.

The American Family Association, based in Mississippi, launched its strike in response to what leaders perceived as the erosion of the company's squeaky-clean image.

The group specifically rejected Disney's extension of benefits to domestic partners of gay employees, promotion of gay-related events at its theme parks and violent and sex-filled content of movies made by its Miramax subsidiary.

But now the association's president said it's time to move on, saying there are "so many other issues" that need attention
(read: Disneyland laughed in their faces, and told them to STFU.)

He added that the announcement is not an endorsement of Disney, just an end to the boycott "as a ministry agenda item."

The boycott had a limited impact.

Disney has reported higher earnings, citing increased attendance at its theme parks and strong performance from its film studio and ABC television network.

Listen up, you fundie asshats. I'm going to quote your good book, and use it against you. You want a literal interpertation of the Bible? Try this one on for size:

1 JOHN 3:17
But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

Keep that in mind next time you start spewing your tired old rhetoric about the evils of fagdom.

Here's a quote from MY bible. The book of Adams, Chapter 6:

"The argument goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist' says God 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'

'But' says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. IT proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own argument, you don't. QED.'

'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

I really hate people.
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