Sunday, January 30, 2005

Cannabis arrests fall by a third

Unfortunately, it's not in this country.

(BBC Link...)

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Arrests for possession of cannabis fell by a third in the first year since it was downgraded to a Class C drug, official Home Office figures show.

An estimated 199,000 police hours were saved, according to data from 26 of the 42 English and Welsh police forces.

Cannabis was reclassified so that officers could target hard drugs.

Minister Caroline Flint said new crime survey figures also showed that fears for a rise in cannabis use among young people were "wholly unfounded."

'Significant savings'

Based on the feedback from the 26 police forces, there were an estimated 43,750 arrests in the last 12 months compared with 68,625 in the previous period - a fall of 36%, according to the Home Office.

Ms Flint said: "A year ago we reclassified cannabis on the recommendation of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, so that the police could concentrate on the far more destructive Class A drugs.

"One year on, the picture is encouraging, with significant savings in police time which can now be used to drive more serious drugs off our streets and make our communities safer."

She was pleased that critics' predictions for an increase in cannabis use among young people were "wholly unfounded".

"The figures show that young people's cannabis use has remained stable since reclassification and is still significantly down from 1998 levels," she added.

British Crime Survey figures published on Friday show that 24.8% of 16 to 24-year-old respondents reported using cannabis in the last year. This compared with 25.8% the previous year and 28.2% in 1998.

'Too soon'

With each arrest taking an average of eight hours to process, the 24,875 fewer arrests in the year since reclassification meant 199,000 hours of police time had been saved, the Home Office said.

Martin Barnes, chief executive of DrugScope, said the charity would continue to support the reclassification of cannabis.

It was encouraging that cannabis use among young people had been declining but it was "too soon" to draw conclusions from the latest figures.

"Most young people know that cannabis is illegal and can be harmful but we need a much greater focus on drug education and prevention," he said.

"It is concerning that the Government's own schools inspectorate has this week criticised the level and standard of drug education in some schools."

Wasn't there a time when England was considered to be a bunch of stick-up-your-ass conservatives and America was the land of progressive, intelligent thinkers?

What happened? Oh, wait... I know...

Friday, January 28, 2005

Drug War Victims

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Here's a site dedicated to the victims of the War on Drugs. Is this war a success? Ask a few of these folks:

Shirley Dorsey, 56: Rather than being compelled to testify against her 70-year-old boyfriend (Byron Stamate) for cultivating the medicinal cannabis she depended upon to help control her crippling back pain, Shirley Dorsey committed suicide. She saw it as the only way to prevent the forfeiture of their home and property. Despite her suicide, Stamate was sentenced to 9 months prison, and his home, cottage, and $177,000 life savings were seized.

Annie Rae Dixon, 84: Bedridden with pneumonia during a drug raid. Officer kicked open her bedroom door and accidentally shot her.

Ashley Villareal, 14: Ashley went outside at night with a family friend to move their freshly washed car under shelter. DEA agents, interested in her father, were staking out the house, and believing that her father was driving, shot and killed Ashley. The agents did not have a warrant for her father.

John Hirko, 21: An unarmed man with no prior offenses was shot to death in his house by a squad of masked police. In a no-knock raid, they tossed a smoke grenade in through a window, setting the house on fire. Hirko, suspected of dealing small amounts of marijuana and cocaine, was found face down on his stairway, shot in the back while fleeing the burning building. When the fire was finally put out, officers found some marijuana seeds in an unsinged plastic bag.

Peter McWilliams, 50: Peter was a world-famous author and an advocate of medical marijuana, not only because he believed in it in principle, but because it was keeping him alive (he had AIDS and non-Hodgkins lymphoma). After California passed a law legalizing medical marijuana, Peter helped finance the efforts of Todd McCormick to cultivate marijuana for distribution to those who needed it for medical reasons. Federal agents got wind of his involvement, and Peter was a target for his advocacy. He was arrested, and in federal court was prevented from mentioning his medical condition or California's law. While he was on bail awaiting sentencing, the prosecutors threatened to take away his mother's house (used for bail) if he failed a drug test, so he stopped using the marijuana which controlled his nausea from the medications and allowed him to keep them down. He was found dead on the bathroom floor, choked to death on his own vomit.

Alberta Spruill, 57: Police, acting on a tip, forced their way into Spruill's home, setting off flash grenades. She suffered a heart attack and died. It was the wrong address.

Donald P. Scott, 61: Government agencies were interested in the property of this reclusive millionaire. A warrant was issued based on concocted "evidence" of supposed marijuana plantings, and a major raid was conducted with a 32-man assault team. Scott was shot to death in front of his wife. No drugs were found. A later official report found: "It is the District Attorney's opinion that the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department was motivated, at least in part, by a desire to seize and forfeit the ranch for the government. Based in part upon the possibility of forfeiture, Spencer obtained a search warrant that was not supported by probable cause. This search warrant became Donald Scott's death warrant."

(Read more...)

Our drug war results in staggeringly tragic losses. Drugs, when abused, can be dangerous, but they are not nearly as lethal as the drug war itself. In addition to the blights of an imprisoned population, lost rights, broken families, and economic waste, people are dying in this war. No, these are not deaths from drugs, but from prohibition.

It is important to realize that the vast majority of deaths on the drug war simply would not happen without prohibition. When drug dealers fight it out over territory and they or their neighbors are killed in the process, it is a sympton of prohibition, much as when we suffered the scourge of alcohol prohibition many years ago. Prohibition makes violence profitable.

When drug users overdose from tainted drugs, it is the result of prohibition. When they die from overdoses because they were afraid to seek help, it is the result of prohibition.

Increasingly, people are dying because of the tactics of the drug war. Military operations are being conducted on our soil, and collateral damage is inevitable.

When drug task forces dressed in black batter in doors without knocking or announcing themselves, the danger to citizens and police alike is enormous. Sometimes the greatest danger is to (or from) the innocent citizen that understandably believes that they are experiencing a home invasion, and rushes to defend their family and property.

Every now and then, a death happens that is particularly grotesque -- that points out the horrific folly of our actions. This page presents some of those deaths.

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And it tasted almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

Asteroid Named for Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams, the late author of the classic SF Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy BBC series and subsequent novels, was honored by the International Astronomical Union's Minor Planet Center with an asteroid bearing his name, reported. Asteroid Douglasadams was among the 71 newly named celestial objects announced on Jan. 25 in Cambridge, Mass., the Web site reported.

The asteroid in question was chosen because of its original name, 2001 DA42, which references the year Adams passed away, his initials and the number 42, which, as fans of the author know, is the answer to "life, the universe and everything" according to the Hitchhiker stories.

The asteroid is not the first to have a connection to Adams. In 2001, just days after the author passed away, the organization named an asteroid after Arthur Dent, the earthling protagonist of the Hitchhiker series.

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A great man who brought me many, many hours of entertainment and laughter. I really hope the movie doesn't suck.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Stizzatz, Bizzatch.

I hate people who talk like that...

Here's some recent search engine queries that have brought people into my evil clutches:

Google: tapatio Scoville Unit
Google: yakov smirnov stand up mp3
Google: 53.137 billion
Google: "syrian wayne newton"
Yahoo: fascist slogans
Google: nomaddox
Google: "rev. jack arnold"
Google: "drunk drive" "her car"
Google: maddox cunning linguist
Yahoo: i want to see girl fucked in delhi school published by
Google: Etching of Shedd Aquarium
Yahoo: america and fascism
Google: groening puker
Google: comatonin
Yahoo: repressitol

I still don't understand "syrian wayne newton" and "yakov smirnov stand up mp3", but I'd rather be found by people interested in repressitol, than meth-smoking scientologists.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Did you know that when you finally go insane, you hear a loud cracking sound inside your head? I didn't either, and it scared the hell out of me.

Strange facts that may or may not surprise you.
I've been hella-stressed lately, and don't have anything else to write about.

Dr. Ruth, noted sex therapist, is a trained sniper, and knows how to throw hand grenades.

On September 11, 2001 Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy and American Dad, was scheduled to return to Los Angeles on American Airlines Flight 11 after being a keynote speaker at his alma-mater in Rhode Island. His travel agent gave him the wrong flight time, and he arrived at Boston Logan Airport a few minutes after boarding was finished. He was told he would have to wait for the next flight. At 8:45am one hour after the departure of American Airlines Flight 11, it was hijacked by terrorists and crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center in New York City.

In an interview in USA Today a few days after the attacks he said that he was unable to get in touch with his office or his family in Los Angeles and he ended up driving half way across the country before he finally was able to get his office and his parents to tell them that he was all right. He also said that he thanked God that his travel agent had screwed up the departure time or he would have been on board and he wouldn't have known what to do when the terrorists took over the plane.

Maynard James Keenan, frontman for Tool and A Perfect Circle, contributed the line "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin" to the novelty song "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jellÿ (whose leader was MJK's roomate, and the receiver to the death threats in the segues "Message to Harry Manback" and its sequel).

Man, I'm so old-school that I was listening to them back when they were "Green Jello" (pre-lawsuit.)

Harry Shearer, star of "This is Spinal Tap" and "A Mighty Wind", as well as the voice of Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy and more on "The Simpsons", played Eddie Hascal in the original pilot for "Leave it to Beaver."

Hooray! Pointless facts!!

Friday, January 21, 2005


Man, I've been hoping that this day would come! Michael Powell, Chairman of the FCC, is STEPPING DOWN!!! I'll be writing more on this later, bit I wanted to break the possibly great news (depending on who his successor ends up being) as soon as I head it. Look for an article sometime this weekend (as well as another Sandy Vagina Award.)

Here's the link to the article; it's obvious that the magazine is biased towards Michael Powell, but to balance it out, I've included some of the better quotes from the head of the Decency Police.


"I have no idea what the public interest is."
- Michael Powell

"TiVo is God's machine."
- Michael Powell

"I personally don't think anybody is safe. I don't believe any company currently in communications is so well-structured and tied down that they are guaranteed to be here 15 years from now."
- Michael Powell

"It's easy to vilify a corporate mogul. But when you understand you make money producing what interests the public, the argument becomes quite a bit more queasy, doesn't it? Are you really indicting the mogul, or what your countrymen like to watch? The media companies, if they have one sin, is that they're too responsive."
- Michael Powell

All these are quotes from a guy who is pushing to eliminate ownership limits on media, and who recently gave Rupert Murdoch a second exception to current ownership rules, allowing him to own two TV stations and a newspaper in NYC (For everyone else, you can't even own a TV and newspaper (unless you're Murdoch)).

More later...

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Maybe we should check the pound...

I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.

Condi vs. Hillary 2K8? I wouldn't rule it out...

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Nifty gadget

Tired trying to type on your PDA? Wish you had an actual keyboard, instead of that crappy mobile phone keypad? Then you need the I-Tech Virtual Keyboard.

This ingenious virtual keyboard is a great space-saving device designed for mobile business. The compact, rechargeable unit uses infrared and laser light technology to project a trapezium-shaped keyboard onto any flat surface, allowing you to type away as normal.

Every keystroke is accompanied by a sound effect, reassuring you that the system has successfully registered your character. The sensitivity of the keyboard can be tailored to individual preferences using the menus on the device you have attached.

Read more here.

Repressitol and Gleemonex

Fictional Elements [Part 3 of 3]

My favorite fictional drugs. Added points if you can guess the movie, book, song or TV show where these originated from.

Blinkmoth Serum - Blinkmoth serum is created by killing and harvesting blinkmoths. It grants the user extreme intelligence, self-awareness, and understanding. It is extremely addictive.

Comatonin - Fast acting tranquilizer.

Dimoxinil - Hair regrowth drug. Requires daily application or regrown hair is lost. The name is an anagram of minoxidil, a compound which is actually used for treatment of male pattern baldness.

Drencrom - Ingredient in milk-plus, sold in the Korova Milkbar. Likely a reference to adrenochrome.

Focusin - A Ritalin-like drug.

Gleemonex - Anti-depressant.

Ice-9 - A chemical compound capable of ending life on earth by freezing anything under 114 degrees centigrade.

Iocane Powder - A deadly poison. Has no odor or taste. Dissolves instantly in liquid. It is possible to build an immunity to the poison by deliberately ingesting minute doses at intervals over the course of several years. Used by the hero Westley to outsmart the Sicilian, Vizzini. Vezzini: "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!"
Inigo: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Lot 6 - Hallucinogen; telekenetic power enabler.

Melange - Also called the Spice. Makes space travel possible. Can be addictive; whites of the eyes turn blue as a side effect of Spice addiction.

Repressitol - Supresses unpleasant memories.

Serum 114 - Injected during the Ludovico treatment, which uses a series of violent images forced on the viewer in order to cure violent urges in criminals.

Sex Packets - Ingestion of a packet makes one feel as if they are having a particular kind of sexual experience. Sold illicitly by street dealers and come in several varieties.

Stimutacs - "Herbal dietary supplement", produced from all natural ingredients (99% kelp, 1% fugu tetrodotoxin other). Highly hallucinogenic, euphoric stimulant.

Synthemesc - Ingredient in milk-plus, sold in the Korova Milkbar. Synthemesc is a hallucinogen, its name derived from "synthetic mescaline".

Vellocet - Ingredient in milk-plus, sold in the Korova Milkbar. Produces alertness and ultra-violent tendencies. As you can tell, I like A Clockwork Orange.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Admantium to Ziff

Fictional Elements [Part 2 of 3]

Fictional compounds and alloys. You have to be a real geek to know most of these. I guess I'm showing my D&D roots this week.

Adamantium - The strongest metal known in the universe of Marvel Comics. Once cast, this alloy cannot be bent, blunted, or broken. It is used in weapons, notably Wolverine's claws and various robots. Captain America's shield is sometimes said to be Adamantium, but is actually an unknown alloy of Vibranium and iron. Adamantium was discovered by accident by Dr. Myron MacLain in an attempt to recreate the shield's metal.

Black Smoke - Toxic gas used by Martian invaders. Spectrographic analysis shows an unusual triplet of blue lines.

Blastolene - Fictional product ('highly concentrated distillation of pure cozmic essence') purportedly produced by the Blastolene Corporation, sponsors of two v-12 tank-engined behemoth automobiles, including Jay Leno's Blastolene Special.

Cheddite - Made by irradiating Cheddar cheese, it enabled faster-than-light travel. Not to be confused with the real class of explosive materials cheddites.

Chemical X - A mysterious chemical created by Professor Utonium. When he accidentally mixed it with sugar, spice, and everything nice, it created The Powerpuff Girls.

Cortosis - One of the few materials that lightsabers cannot cut.

Ferrocrete - A type of concrete containing, amongst other minerals, iron. It is unusually tough and resistant to artillery fire and is mostly used for Imperial fortifications, although some starship hulls are composed of ferrocrete.

Flubber - A rubberlike substance that rebounds from impacts with greater force than the original strike. This unlikely property leads to interesting applications such as leap-enhancing shoe soles and a flying car.

Nara - Super hard material made by compressing rock with very high pressure and heat. Used to coat tunnels and mine shafts to prevent their collapse.

Plasteel - Hard yet moldable; used frequently as armor.

Polydichloric Euthimal (PDE) - Used in Terminator 2 as a high explosive.

Porkanium Alloy - The material the SS Swine Trek is made of in Pigs In Space. Parody of Titanium.

Quicksilver - Liquid that bends visible light around its surface; a thin coat of it, however, can shift UV into the visible spectrum. Also acts as a drug when in the bloodstream.

Smilex - Poison created by The Joker, kills within minutes, leaves victims with a rictus grin on their faces.

Thiotimoline - Conceived and described in a spoof scientific paper entitled The Endochronic Properties of Resublimated Thiotimoline in 1948. Thiotimoline has the property of dissolving in water slightly before the actual contact with water.

Tiberium - Highly valuable crystal in the Command and Conquer series, usually green, sometimes blue. Extremely toxic and mutagenic to terrestrial life-forms. Tiberium is used as a resource for mining.

Trioxyn Gas - Gas that brings the dead back to life as zombies.

Ziff - An unknown metal mentioned in the Book of Mormon (Mosiah 11:3). In Hebrew, this term means brightness, i.e. metallic brightness. It is possibly a mistranslation of zinc. Others have speculated that this refers to Orichalcum, providing a link with Atlantis.

Kryptonite and Balonium

Fictional Elements [Part 1 of 3]

A fictional chemical substance is a chemical element, isotope, compound or mineral that exists only in works of fiction (usually fantasy or science fiction). It should be noted that no actual periodic elements end in '-ite', though many minerals have names with this suffix.

Balonium - A fictional element used to describe something as impossible or nonsensical: "Your explanations are pure, weapons-grade balonium!"

Dilithium - A reddish-orange crystal capable of moderating matter-antimatter annihilations, used in the reactors of many species' starships and a key system of faster-than-light warp drives. Unrelated to the real-life element lithium.

Dolemite - The blackest, hardest element of them all. That's Dolemite, baby! Dolemite sometimes contains fossilized animals. It is resistant to the heat of the Earth's core. Dolemite won't cop out when the heat's about.

Illudium Phosdex & Illudium Q-36 - Also known as the shaving cream atom, it was found only on Planet X, which was unfortunately destroyed when both Duck Dodgers and Marvin the Martian tried to conquer it for Earth and Mars. The "Q-36 Illudium Space Modulator" was used by Marvin the Martian as a planet-destroying explosive.

Kryptonite - Usually a green crystal, sometimes other colors. Most Kryptonite was created during the destruction of Superman's home planet Krypton; exposure to it is highly detrimental to Kryptonians (prolonged exposure can also harm Earth-humans). Can be used as a power source or ornament, but is more frequently used as a weapon against Kryptonians. The most notable variant color is red kryptonite, which induces mental (as opposed to green's physical) aberrations. An Action Comics story by John Byrne established Kryptonite as element 126 on the periodic table of elements.

Plutonite - Oakley uses this name for the polycarbonate lenses in their sunglasses.

Turbonium - The focal point of the first commercial for the turbo-charged version of the New Beetle. In theory, it was the element from which the turbo version of the car was forged.

Upsidaisium - Upsidaisium is a metal that is lighter than air and can be obtained by mining in upsidaisium-rich areas (The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show).

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Fascism in America

Political scientist Dr. Lawrence Britt recently wrote an article about fascism ("Fascism Anyone?," Free Inquiry, Spring 2003, page 20).

Studying the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia), and Pinochet (Chile), Dr. Britt found they all had 14 elements in common. He calls these the identifying characteristics of fascism. The excerpt is in accordance with the magazine's policy. A few parts have been paraphrased by me, but nothing has been taken out of context. Any and all art has been added by me. Take it how you will, it's open for interpretation.

The 14 characteristics of fascism are:

Powerful and Continuing Nationalism

Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottoes, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays. Along with catchy slogans, pride in the military and demands for unity are common themes in expressing this nationalism. It is usually coupled with a suspicion of things foreign that often bordered on xenophobia.

Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights

Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc. Through clever use of propaganda, the population is brought to accept these human rights abuses by marginalizing, even demonizing, those being targeted.

Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause

The most significant common thread among regimes is the use of scapegoating as a means to divert the people's attention from other problems, to shift blame for failures, and to channel frustration in controlled directions. The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists; secularists; terrorists, etc. Active opponents of these regimes are inevitably labeled as terrorists and dealt with accordingly.

Supremacy of the Military

Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized. The military is seen as an expression of nationalism, and is used whenever possible to assert national goals, intimidate other nations, and increase the power and prestige of the ruling elite.

Military: 399 billion. Everything Else: 383 billion.

Rampant Sexism

The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy. These attitudes are usually codified in Draconian laws that enjoy strong support by the orthodox religion of the country.

Controlled Mass Media

Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Methods include the control of licensing and access to resources, economic pressure, appeals to patriotism, and implied threats. The leaders of the mass media are often politically compatible with the power elite. The result is usually success in keeping the general public unaware of the regimes’ excesses. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

Obsession with National Security

Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses. Inevitably, a national security apparatus is under direct control of the ruling elite. It is usually an instrument of oppression. Its actions are justified under the rubric of protecting “national security,” and questioning its activities is portrayed as unpatriotic or even treasonous.

Religion and Government are Intertwined

Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.

Corporate Power is Protected

Although the personal life of ordinary citizens is under strict control, the ability of large corporations to operate in relative freedom is not compromised. The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

Labor Power is Suppressed

Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed. Under some regimes, being poor is considered akin to a vice.

Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts

Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.

Obsession with Crime and Punishment

Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

Rampant Cronyism and Corruption

Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

Fraudulent Elections

Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

Notice any similarities?

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Me in a nutshell.

I miss Bill Watterson.

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...And speaking of stupid yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbons...


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Finish the sentence!!!

Preacher dies with heaven on his lips


OVIEDO, Florida (AP) -- A Presbyterian minister collapsed and died at the pulpit after saying "And when I go to heaven...," his colleague said.

The Rev. Jack Arnold, 69, was nearing the end of his sermon Sunday at Covenant Presbyterian Church when he grabbed the podium before falling to the floor, said the Rev. Michael S. Beats, the church's associate pastor.

Several parishioners with medical backgrounds tried to revive Arnold and paramedics were called, but he appeared to die instantly, Beats said.

Arnold had been the senior minister at the church in this Orlando suburb until the late 1990s when he began traveling to Africa and the Middle East to teach pastors.

The cause of death was believed to be cardiac arrest. He had bypass surgery five years earlier.

I just want to know what the hell he was going to say! How the hell are you going to die, halfway through a sentence?!? What a ripoff.

What do YOU think he was going to say?

"And when I go to heaven..."

...I hope God forgives me for all those altar boys I sodomized.
...I'm going to take a piss on this stupid church, and every moron in it.
...I will organize a coup to overthrow God himself.
...I'll be damn surprised, because I killed a hitchhiker back in '85.
...I'll make sure to ask God if he is really a Republican, and why he keeps giving this idiot president of ours his support.
...I gonna light up the biggest fuckin' joint you've ever seen!
...I'll be sure to ask what this '42' thing is all about. Doug Adams should be available.

Personally, I think he was a pederast, and God was smiting him, just to strike fear into the hearts of those who were present. ZAP!!

Art isn't that damn subjective.

Now showing at the Axel Raben Gallery in New York:

Cum Shot Series

Axel Raben Gallery: Ashkan Sahihi
For a weirdly compelling portrait series titled "Cum Shots," Sahihi asked his male and female sitters to bring along a male partner to ejaculate on their face just before the photo was taken. Because the subjects are seated fully clothed before a neutral studio backdrop, the results buzz with the tension between formality and abandon. Confronting the camera with semen splattered across their cheeks, each of these people has an odd post-coital glow--a flush of ebbing excitement that leaves them emotionally, totally naked.
-Vince Aletti, The Village Voice

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I don't know about anyone else, but to me, the "flush of ebbing excitement" looks more like an expression of "oh shit, I can believe that someone just jerked off on me!" Someone, please, please, PLEASE explain to me how this is art! It's a fucking FACIAL! It's the last 20 seconds of every porno you have ever seen!

This is art:

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This is not:

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Now, maybe I'm not that cultured. Perhaps I am just another midwestern S.I.W.B. (Standard Issue White Boy) who can't tell a salad fork from a dessert fork (dessert is on the top, salad on the outside, right?) Maybe I lack the IQ to grasp the subtleties of the photograph. This might be so classy that it just blew my mind. It could be a bold statement about the vulnerability of the human race, and how we struggle to maintain our dignity and a sense of normalcy, even when we are extremely uncomfortable and even disgusted by the things we do and have done to us.

Or maybe some pervert with a camera likes watching people beat off on each other.

Monday, January 10, 2005


Ohhhh yeah... If I had a first-born child, it would be traded for this without a second though:

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Yeah, that thang's got a Hemi. In fact, it's got two.

In a surprise move Sunday, DaimlerChrysler AG's Chrysler Group unveiled the Jeep Hurricane concept, a brawny off-roader powered by two of the automaker's famous V-8 engines and an answer to critics who believe the famously rugged Jeep brand is going soft.

"We haven't forgotten, nor will we ever forget, what makes a Jeep a Jeep," said Chrysler CEO Dieter Zetsche, standing next to the open-top monster at the 2005 North American International Auto Show.

Chrysler will more than double the Jeep lineup by 2007, beginning this year with a luxury SUV and later with expected car-based models, but Hurricane makes clear that Jeep is not ready to abandon its off-road heritage.

The Hurricane's two engines -- one in front, one back -- combine to make 670 horsepower, and offer 740 foot-pounds of torque. It has 14 inches of ground clearance, and does 0 to 60 in less than 5 seconds. The signature feature is a steering system that allows it to turn in a complete circle in the same spot.

While Hurricane is a concept, Zetsche said patents developed could show up on future Jeeps.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go change pants. Mine are sticky.

By the way, I need you to vote for a winner for this weeks "Sandy Vagina" award. There's currently a 3 way tie, and I need a breaker before I can announce the winner. I already have 3 contestants for next week lined up. This is going to be a fun addition to my blog, I can already tell. Good thing there's so many morans out there.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

B.S. [Week 3] ~TCL's View

Come check out the fun at Blog Spectrum!

[Blog Spectrum - WEEK 3/4, Part 1]

Question: What changes need to be made to schools, and our current education system?
Answer: More money and resources.

The Cunning Linguist Writes:

School is teachers who don't know, teaching facts that aren't true to kids who don't care.
-Matt Groening - Life in Hell-

There you go. That's my article in a nutshell. See you all next week!

aside: "What do you mean, make it longer? What ever happened to Keep It Simple, Stupid?"


Well, I guess I should attempt to elaborate. American education is riddled with problems. According to a December 17th, 2003 study by the NAEP, in fourth grade math, in only three of the ten jurisdictions polled did the percentage of kids scoring in NAEP's "proficient" range rise above the teens—and in just one did it beat the national average. In eighth-grade reading, at least two-fifths of the students were "below basic" in seven cities. In the six lowest-scoring cities, the percentages of reading-proficient eighth graders were grim: Chicago - 15 percent, Houston - 14 percent, Atlanta - 11 percent, Los Angeles - 11 percent, District of Columbia - 10 percent, Cleveland - 10 percent.

Professors Diane Ravitch and Chester E. Finn, Jr. did some research, and published their findings in an book called, What Do Our 17-Year-Olds Know?. They found that three quarters of the students polled did not know that Columbus discovered the New World before 1750. One third did not know that the phrase, "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" comes from the Declaration of Independence; some attributed it to the Gettysburg Address. Seventy percent could not identify the Magna Carta. Forty percent are ignorant of the fact that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor occurred between 1939 and 1943. Almost 75 percent can not place Lincoln's presidency within the correct twenty-year span. Almost 50 percent can not place Franklin Roosevelt's presidency in the years between 1929 and 1946.

All this erroneous information eventually leads to things like 41 percent of the public believing that Saddam had something to do with 9/11, or 37 percent of them believing that some of the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqi. Then we wonder why other countries label us "stupid Americans."

Internationally, how does our country rank when it comes to education? Well, we scored just above Lithuania when it came to math, but the Slovak Republic, Latvia, Estonia and Hungary all do better. Kids in high school today aren't much smarter than they were 10 years ago. We're a 'C' average nation. Mediocre is better than lousy, right? We may not be the brightest, but hey! We're not Mexico!

Part of the problem can be attributed to the money (or lack of) that we spend on education. Consider, for a moment, the 2004 Federal Discretionary Budget. Our budget was 782 billion dollars. Of that 782 billion dollars, The Department of Education only received 53.137 billion. We gave more money to the FCC (2.81b) than we did to Historically Black Colleges (2.77b). We spent 3 times as much money on funding for the V-22 Osprey Aircraft (30 deaths and counting!), as we did for the National Endowment for the Arts, National Endowment for the Humanities and the Museum and Library Services combined (.511b). How about Reading First programs (1.15b)? Nah, let's spend it on Foreign Military Financing (4.14b) instead.

Perhaps if we spend more money on things like education and tools for education (libraries, museums, art, music and culture), we might get more kids interested in learning on their own. Back in Illinois, my school took us on field trips to Shedd Aquarium, the Museum of Science and Industry, and the Museum of Contemporary Art. It got me interested in learning about things outside of school, and instead of sitting in class, staring at the chalkboard for 6 hours a day, we got to watch SCUBA divers feed sharks, and see rocks that fell from space! I became extremely interested in geology for a number of years, all because of trips to museums. In turn, I went to the library to learn more about xeolinths, lava flows and geologic faults, which nurtured an interest about natural disasters and the earth in general, which is a hobby that I still pursue to this day.

In fact, I learned so very little in high school, that I got incredibly bored and left after 3 years, took my GED (Good Enough Diploma), and scored in the upper 90th percentile in every subject but math. Even though I enjoyed most of my classes, I was bored stiff when it came to robotically memorizing facts that, in some cases, were completely erroneous. Watered down textbooks, reading assignments like "Go Ask Alice (outdated anti-drug propoganda), and authoritarian rules (I got in trouble for finding a few security holes in our school computer system, and suggesting how they be fixed. Punished for attempting to educate others, imagine that...) lead to me ditching school and avoiding any and all classes that didn't interest me. I learned more from my Science Fiction and Fantasy class by reading Bradbury, Asimov and Orwell, than I did from any of the other classes I took.

Public education is in need of a major overhaul. We can't continue on with things the way they are now. I'll get more into how things could be changed with my next article about private and home-schools.

On second thought, to hell with educating our children. Let's pick up a few TRIDENT II Ballistic Missiles instead.

Go figure.

Link courtesy of Daily Traversal.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Bitch of the Week

It's time for another award. I know I already have the "Golden Dumpies", and I am now the proud recipient of KirkKitsch's "The Nell Carter 'Gimme a Break' Award For Disgruntled Bloggers." But that's just not enough. So I have created the "Sandy Vagina" award.

Image Hosted by

This prestegious honor will be given to the person or persons who exhibit an utter disregard for common sense, intelligent thought, rational ideas and open-mindedness. Only the top jackass will be eligible to win. No purchase necessary, void in Tennessee. I will leave it up to my readers to decide who should win. 1 vote per person. The person with the Sandiest Vagina will receive an email from me, letting them know that they should contribute to society by taking themselves OUT of it. They will also receive a coupon for $1.00 off "Summer Breeze" douche, which they can redeem, and hopefully flush the grittiness from their nether regions.

Let's meet the contestants!

Contestant #1 is a paralegal hailing from Cleveland, OH. Austin Aitken is yet another moron who feels he needs to sue the creator of all things evil. Television! When not actively campaigning for the PTC, or writing letters to Michael Powell of the FCC, Austin Aitken spends his spare time filing bogus lawsuits. What a wiener.... er.. winner!

Man sues "Fear Factor" for $2.5 million

Let me get this straight. The contestants on the show ate blended rats for a CHANCE at winning 50 grand, and you think you're entitled to 2.5 million because you couldn't even WATCH it from the comfort of your home? You sir, are a pussy. Grow a pair, and keep the TV remote in your hand at all times. You may have yakked all over the floor and smashed your empty head on a door, "causing suffering, injury and great pain", but you aren't even worthy to receive Pepto-Bismol, much less 2.5 million dollars. As NBC put it, "We believe that the claim is completely without merit." Hmm, ya think? Chances are, we'll see more about this when the Stella Awards come out later this year.

Contestant #2 is a hateful and fanatical "Anti-Liberal", hailing from the great state of Maine! Jesse Zack believes he has the gift of vituperation. Unfortunately, intelligence not only takes a backseat to unreasonable thought, but it is tied up and gagged in the trunk. A prime example of yet another dim bulb who blindly follows the words of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly. I would describe him as a "conservative Michael Moore", but that's being too kind to Michael Moore. Jay-Z was nominated due to the following post on The Jesse Factor (different Jesse, I've got nothing against that one), which is usually a pretty humorous and, for the most part, intelligent blog.

Gay marriage is wrong, abortion is for whores, and sub-human Liberals are allied with Terrorists! Oh noze!

Here's the gist of the asshattery in question:
"Liberalism is the manifestation of fallistic thinking and the mental breakdown when displaying judgment."
"Liberals are the dregs of society because they seek to ruin society as the constitutional framers had set it up."
"Liberals are such fucking maggots."
"Gay marriage is WRONG."
"Liberals are WRONG and/or piles of shit."
"Liberals prey on the weak."

Such compelling arguments! How can I not agree with blanket statements about gay marriage, like "Marriage already has had a consistent definition for several millennia, you self-centered deviants."? You know what else has had a constant definition for several millennia? Slavery, racism, cultural and ethnic bias, sexism and blind faith. Hop into your Wayback Machine with Sherman and Mr. Peabody, and go back to the 1920's to see if you can keep the 19th Amendment from being ratified. Or better yet, go back to the late 1700's, and try to keep Massachusetts from abolishing slavery. It must have been John Kerry's fault. That damn liberal hippy.

Just for fun, I hope that your firstborn daughter will be gang-raped by angry black men, forced to have an illegitimate mulatto child (because she didn't bother to use protection, how careless of her) and then goes on to be a lesbian on welfare. You are a poor man's Maddox. Nothing more. To use your own words against you, "Descrepencies in basic fundamentals of beliefs show you to be WRONG."

In the future, please note that intelligent debate does not consist of thought-terminating cliches, libelous claims and heresay. Intelligent debate requires fact-checking, citing your sources, and the ability to keep an open mind. Write it down, memorize it and practice it.

Contestant #3 is Lucius Robinson of Detroit, MI.

Swearing makes baby Jeebus cry

Little Diamond Robinson got a Cabbage Patch Doll for Christmas. But the serial number included the word FUCK! Obviously, this warped the young girl's mind (she was the one who noticed the foul language on the box, so she had to have known what it meant), and it completely ruined Christmas! Gosh dang it all to heck! A randomly generated sequence of letters and numbers destroyed the holiest of all Pagan holidays! I guess she won't be able to go to college now that she has suffered such an immesurable shock. It will take years of therapy to reverse the damage that was done by the devils at The Play-Along Company.

on the same note...

Contestant #4 is America!

The F-Bomb

Congratulations, America! You have shown that you really DO subscribe to herd-mentality. Hundreds of thousands of people complained to the FCC about wardrobe-malfunctions, curse words and violence, but not a single one of you had anything to say when Vince Neil said "Happy Fucking New Year" on the Tonight Show. Either 2005 is going to be the year of tolerance, or the PTC has yet to get involved and file multiple complaints about how TV is destroying civilization as we now know it.

The final contestant is Clayton County Sheriff Victor Hill of Jonesboro, GA. On his first day on the job, the new sheriff called 27 employees into his office, stripped them of their badges, fired them, and had rooftop snipers stand guard as they were escorted out the door.

Shake things up, Cletus!

Apparently, he believes that the new sheriff has the right to shake up the department in whatever way he feels necessary. He told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that he fired the employees to "maintain the integrity of the department." Yes, nothing maintains integrity of the Sheriff's department like canning employees and making them leave the building under the watchful eye of a sniper. A super classy move from a super classy redneck on a power trip. I pity the people who live in that area. No doubt he views it as "MY town, so y'all better respek the rules! Yeee-haw!" Too bad that Department of Homeland Security position was already taken...

Now, vote away! Who will win? The lawsuit-happy puker, the angry anti-liberal, the deeply offended family, America, or the White Trash Sheriff? Place your votes now!! DO IT!!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

A tsunami of visitors.

Top Search Engine Hits:

Tsunami pictures Thailand (or some variation of)
Tsunami pictures India
Carmello Anthony's tattoos
Dehli public school transcript
Convoluted (of course)
bdsm child custody pennsylvania court
"beth robbins" colorado
the coolest urinals
Filthy Garlic

Top Keyword Hits

24 4.03% convoluted
21 3.52% insanity
18 3.02% linkmbqp8ywgksgjogrishcom
10 1.68% pictures
10 1.68% the
9 1.51% zesty
9 1.51% commercial
9 1.51% chicken
8 1.34% tsunami
8 1.34% linguist
8 1.34% cunning
8 1.34% and
6 1.00% vang
6 1.00% artest
6 1.00% taco
5 0.84% save
5 0.84% nfsu2
5 0.84% free
5 0.84% meth
5 0.84% ron
5 0.84% dog
5 0.84% bundchen
5 0.84% bell
4 0.67% spongebob
4 0.67% pizza
4 0.67% nomaddox
4 0.67% chai
4 0.67% pics
4 0.67% bowl
4 0.67% border
3 0.50% robbins
3 0.50% carmello
3 0.50% beth
3 0.50% thailand
3 0.50% game
3 0.50% lost
3 0.50% comments
3 0.50% tactics
3 0.50% scare
3 0.50% decries
2 0.33% garlic
2 0.33% filthy
2 0.33% colorado
2 0.33% child
2 0.33% anthonys
2 0.33% unedited
2 0.33% marijuana
2 0.33% india
2 0.33% glacoma
2 0.33% dreidl

My picture blog started out last week with about 200 hits in 6 months time. As of today, I am at over 14 THOUSAND. The busiest day was 3,500 hits in 24 hours. I received visitors from every major continent, with the exception of Antartica. The closest I got was Greenland. Not only that, but I am in the top 10 for Google, Excite, Alta Vista, Yahoo and MSN Search when it comes to "Tsunami pictures." I had a French Press Agency contact me about photo publication, and have had emails sent to me from people all over the world. No major media mentions, like Cheese and Crackers and Pundit Guy, but that's ok. That's a bit too much exposure for me.

I guess that was my 15 minutes, eh?

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Beating a dead horse.

Yeah, I know I have complained about them before, but these stupid damn "Patriot Ribbons" are pissing me off again. So this time, I wrote a letter to the editor of one of Denver's major newspapers. I'll post any comments that come in (assuming that this letter is even published.)

Support our Chinese magnet manufacturers!

I drive through the Denver Tech Center on a daily basis, and I have begun to notice a large amount of the yellow "Support our Troops" magnetic ribbons proudly affixed to the tailgates of automobiles driven by our country's most heroically patriotic citizens (similar to the miniature American flags that appeared after 9/11.) You can't drive 100 yards these days without seeing some variation of the aforementioned faux-ribbon magnet plastered on the back of a minivan or SUV. Are 4 magnets on the back of your H2 REALLY necessary? Does that mean that you support our troops more than people with just 1 ribbon? Do the people who so proudly plop down $5.00 per magnet on their local convenience store counter ever stop to wonder how their purchase actually supports our troops?

I did, and decided to do a little research by asking several local ribbon retailers exactly where the proceeds from the sales of these noble accoutrements end up, and the results didn't exactly surprise me. Four out of five local retailers said essentially the same thing; the sale of a ribbon is like the sale of a bag of chips or soda, and is treated as general merchandise. The fifth retailer failed to understand the relevance of my inquiry and after telling me that he was "making a mint off of the ribbons", he promptly sent me on my way.

My psuedo-scientific research didn't stop there. A quick Google query of "Support Our Troops Magnetic Ribbons" yields a myriad of results that tells the real truth: there is no charity, no troop fund, no support for our troops. Ribbons are sold in mass quantities for as little as $0.40 each, and suggested retail is $5.00. Some sites even offer the suggestion that the profits you reap for the resale of the ribbons could be used for a charity if you want. If you look closely at the back of some of the ribbons, you will see a small "Made In China" etching near the bottom (the very definition of irony.) Purchasing a foreign-made magnet at a 1,250% markup isn't really support, now is it?

Does the display of a ribbon on your car or truck mean you support the troops? Maybe. But who doesn't? I don't know of a single person, whether they lean to the left or to the right, who would say they don't support our troops.

My advice? Spend five minutes online searching for a charity that actually supports our troops in a tangible capacity! I did an online search for "Troop Care Package" and yielded over 38,000 results, many of which will use your donation to directly send a troop a care package in Iraq or Afghanistan. I believe our troops would much rather receive a package of reading material, sunscreen, chewing gum, beef jerky or even Top Ramen, than know that citizens back in the States support them by ruining the paintjob on their 12-miles-per-gallon-behemoth.

If you have a family member currently serving overseas, then the ribbon can be a nice way to let others know this. But please, make sure that when you buy one, that the proceeds are going to fund programs and services that actually support our troops!! The USO is a good start. and are a few others. So before you spend your hard earned money on a yellow magnet, make sure that it is a legitimate charity that you are giving to, and not some shady businessman who is making a profit off of your "support."

(My Name Here)

Bored? Yes. Out of things to complain about? NEVER!!!

Sunday, January 02, 2005


Interesting things I learned at the New Year's Eve party I attended.

1) If you take 1/2 shot of vodka, 1/2 shot of Frangellico and slam it, then follow it up by biting a piece of lemon coated in sugar, it tastes exactly like chocolate cake. I don't know how, but it does.

2) Getting drunk off of chocolate cake shots is surprisingly easy.

3) Cats don't like being force-fed prozac.

4) Drunk people like watching you attempt to force-feed prozac to a cat.

5) Chain-mail swimsuits with a thong bottom apparently are quite uncomfortable to wear.

6) The japanese spoken in the Kill Bill series is atrocious.

7) People still attempt to throw themselves off of bridges and onto the highway on December 31st. They rarely succeed.

8) If you are driving on said highway when said person attempts to throw himself off of said bridge, and get stuck in a loooong traffic jam, you will yell at said idiot to hurry the hell up and finish the damn job already.

9) Using the word "said" 4 times in 1 sentence makes said sentence look strange.

10) Sitting in a hot tub while drunk will cause you to do one of 3 things. Get sick, pass out or urinate. My girlfriend got sick. I passed out. Hopefully no one urinated.

11) 2005 can't be any worse than 2004. Can it?

Can it?!?
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