Wednesday, December 15, 2004

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con vo lut ed
\Con"vo*lu`ted\, [Latin. convoltus, past participle of convolvere, to convolve. See convolve.]

1) Having convolutions.
2) Folded in tortuous windings.
3) Intricate; complicated: convoluted legal language; convoluted reasoning.

in san i ty
\In*san"i*ty\, [Latin. insanitas unsoundness; cf. insania insanity, F. insanite.]

1) The state of being insane; unsoundness or derangement of mind; madness; lunacy.
2) Relatively permanent disorder of the mind.

I started this blog in June of 2004. This is actually my 4th or 5th blog, but it is the only one that I have continuously updated, and actually posted to on a daily basis. I tried a few other services like Diaryland (too much like a 14 year old girl's diary), mblog (now defunct), Live Journal (didn't like the layout) and blogdrive (again, didn't like the layout). Finally ran across Blogger, and learned some basic HTML. The end result is what you see before you. Pretty sad, ain't it?

This blog has no set agenda; that is to say, it's not strictly a political blog, or a news, picture, humor, tech or music blog. I have many different interests, and I like to post about many different things. Sometimes I read a news story that makes me laugh my ass off, and I'll share it with everyone. Some days, I've had it with people, and I rant about everything under the sun. Maybe I'll pick up a new CD and decide to write a review on it, or a blog that I come across. Sometimes I just put up the random flotsam and jetsam that my mind produces.

I also have a very haphazard style of writing; I'll start on an entry in the morning and work on it sporadically throughout the day. I usually have between 3 - 5 partially finished pieces at any given time (for instance, I have been working on this post for 2 weeks now.) That tends to make things seem a bit disjointed when reading it. And that, boys and girls, is why I chose to name this blog Convoluted Insanity.

Some Very Uninteresting Things About Me

I am an ordained minister. Really.
My family is German.
Everyone in my family speaks German.
Except for me. Dammit.
Everyone in my family has been to Germany.
Except for me. Dammit again.
For some odd reason that I think my father should fully explain to me, my first, middle and last names are all the same as very famous Nazis. Worse yet, they were all rumored to be gay (not that there's anything wrong with it.)
I slip obscure and not-so-obscure references to TV shows, movies, books, pop culture and inside jokes into my posts. If you didn't get something, Google it. If you still don't get it, then it probably wasn't that funny.
I was born at Longitude -87.97601, Latitude 41.96880.
I live in Colorado, but I don't like to ski or snowboard (a felony offense out here).
I live in Colorado, and I really don't like the Nuggets.
I live in Colorado, and I really, really don't like the Broncos.
I live in Colorado, and I fucking hate the snow.
I am not a liberal, but for some reason, people label me as one. I've even been called "dangerously liberal", so watch out! I may tolerate you until you can tolerate no more tolerance!
I think sports suck, but when I was younger, I played baseball, American football, football (soccer, Yank), tennis, basketball and competed in a triathalon.
I am a music snob. I think it pisses people off, but they listen to Metallica and Green Day, so screw 'em.
Even though I know it is a grammatical faux pas, I like to interject my sentences with side-notes (kinda like this), and I do it way too often (as you can tell.)
I play guitar, bass, program music on my computer, and am a decent drummer. But Baby Jesus cries when I try to sing.
I never run spellcheck. I'm too impatient to skip over all the intentional misspellings (like chrissake, wtf, and heh) that I use.
At one point, I owned 5 ferrets, 2 cats and a chinchilla. Then I fixed my stove (simmer for 25 minutes, top with garlic butter, serve warm.)
I play devil's advocate sometimes, and post about things I don't believe in, just to try and get people pissed off.
I'm hard up for something to write; normally I wouldn't post something as cliche as an FAQ. It's like running a "Best Of" episode.
My personality type is INTJ (Introversion, Intuitition, Thinking, Judging).
I religiously watch The Simpsons, and actually go through withdrawl if I don't see at least 1 or 2 shows a week.
I try to slip at least 1 Simpsons quote into every post. It's due to my nerdish leanings (didja catch it?!)
I am an encyclopedia of useless information.
This annoys my friends and co-workers to no end.
My very first job was in a butcher shop owned by a family of chinese people who illegally crossed into the US from Mexico. The head butcher knew 3 phrases in engrish. "Gaddammudafuk!", "Come heah boy" and "Cleeoopdadispraycayce" (rough translation: "Clean up the display case"). He would usually yell one of those phrases before throwing knives at me.
I owned a motorcycle before I owned a car.
I don't like alcohol.
I over-analyze and second-guess everything I do. It gets really annoying. Or does it?
I really hate kids, especially yours.
"Drizzle" is a really funny sounding word. Say it.

No, I am not high right now.
I don't have a political affiliation, because there is no "Common Sense" party.
I laugh at things that people find offensive, and have the ability to find humor in any situation, regardless of how fucked up it is. And it's all because of video games and rap music.
I think organized religion is for people who are too weak to control their own lives, so they rely on higher beings to make their decisions for them.
I'm not sorry if that offends you. If you don't like personal opinion, then you should click that Next Blog button in the corner.
I am, by nature, an optimist.
It gets harder to be one every day.
Ethnically, I hate people as a group (caucasians included), but I like individuals. Some people think that's racist. They're just stupid Jews.
Sometime I use very subtle, tongue-in-cheek and somewhat acerbic humor... *cough*
Because I work for a medical company and am subjected to 3 seminars a month dealing with blood-born pathogens and contagions, I am obsessively clean.
I always carry around a backpack filled with books, food, cd's, clean socks, winter hat and various small objects. It's either because I was in Scouts, or because I have OCD.
I find learning to be extremely fun. Really. I would rather read a textbook on Greek Mythology or leaf through an encyclopedia than watch reality-television. Or Drawn Together. Yeech.
I am still surprised at how many people don't read unless they are forced to.
It is wrong to judge a person based wholly on their sex, religion, age, race, sexual orientation, handicap or physical appearance. It is, however, ok to make fun of them and point and laugh. You can do it to me, too.
I am eligible to receive medical marijuana. Party at my house tonight!
I constructed this list in a hard-to-read manner, and I was too lazy to fix it.
I can't come up with a good way to end this post, so I'm just going to trail off..........


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hey! ur page has inspired me to be umm watever you meant it to make people like. and its sooooooo funny.(yourpage)its funny. yea.welll whens that party?! at your house. and if your a preist then how can you get maraijuhana legally for medically things? you liar! hmmm
and i thought you livex in germany o nevermind colorado. theres snow there? hey im the only one whos wrote a comment on your blog so far but i told my friend to read it so shell probably write one 2. i really dont remember how i got to your page but i was searchoing google for"mmkay" and i saw blogspot and i have a blog on this too(obviosly)so i clicked it and your page is so awesome. you should read mine. its really REALLY! NOT AS GOOD AS YOURS but you can read it and write a comment if you want to show me that you read it cause i read yours and ummm i forget. your confuzzzzing umm! i dont! know!!!!! eeeeeeeeeee! oooooo i see! it was a d i f e r e n t b l o g t h i n g !!! i g e t i t n o w ! o k i m g o n n a b e d o n e v e r y s o o n t y p i n g l i k e t h i s l i k e r i g h t now.bye o yea my blog is "" and "" ok?! ok. so go there if u want. bye.

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Blogger The Cunning Linguist said...

/Grabs decoder ring to decipher secret transmission. Where's my PGP key again?

Thanks for stopping by. To answer your questions, It just snowed last night, but we don't get REAL snow until February or March. I have epilepsy, so I am eligible for the medical mj, and I am a minister in the Universal Life Church, and as far as I know, they have no restrictions on epilepsy. Heh.


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Blogger grace said...

uh... quick question... was that first post a joke? this is a serious question, btw.

that's the best faq list i've read! :)

and how does one become an ordained minister in the universal life church???

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Blogger katie said...

hello my name is kate and i am a friend of cracker's!!! you have a talent for writing awesomely-random-interseting-stuff yeah mine is pretty random but u are a genius at writing funny shit!!! yeah!! ive been 2 colorado!!! it was last july yeah in avon and estes park!! and there was a lightning storm everday for 20 minutes in the afternoon!!! yeah!!! hey my blog name is ok so u better go and write me a comment!!!! its my new one so there isnt much there!! yeah!!! hmmm!!!! ok goodbye now!!!!!!!

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OMFG! Reading Cracker & Katie's comments actually made me forget what I was gonna write.

So....ummm....yeah....Hooked On Phonics can be your friend. ;)

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Blogger Rabid Gerbil said...

Damn, that was a good post. I was reading it, and the more I read the more I just shook my head. Aside from a few things in your list, I have come to the realization that we are the same damn person. Ack...

I think we should start the Common Sense Party. I wonder how many people would actually join it though. Working where I work, I have come to the conclusion that people dont want to think for themselves anymore. They would rather listen to someone else tell them what to do or what to think.

Damn, that is really sad.

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