Saturday, October 30, 2004

Damn you NoMoWriMo!!

First, an update:

The links section in my sidebar is almost finished. I put up a few new blogs that I visit regularly (check them out!), and I just added a description to every link you see; if the banner is too small to read, or if you are curious about the content of a certain blog, just hover your mouse over the link, and a brief description of that site will appear.

Now the request:

If you are already linked on my sidebar, tell me if the description I have is satisfactory to you, or if you'd like something different. And if you have a banner that you would like displayed, then send me one, and I'll toss it up. I'm keeping everything at 100 x 80 pixels, so try and conform to my strict standards. Or no soup for you!

And here's the rest...

Since it is National Novel Writing Month, and I am being a non-conformist by not submitting anything (I'm also currently in the process of trying to submit a few music articles, and concert/CD reviews to alternative newspapers, like Westword, Image and The Home Grown Music Network), I am looking to do some guest writing on other people's blogs. Mainly because this contest has taken over every blogger's life, and not many people are updating their sites. It's also affected incoming traffic; I've dropped 60% of my visitors over the last week (maybe I just pissed people off with an article I wrote?), and even my BlogExplosion traffic has slowed to a crawl.

So, if you are interested in me writing an article for your blog (topic can be of your choosing), then drop me a line. I promise to prewf-reed everthing befor I sned it to you. I'd even be willing to tone down the language. A bit. Maybe. =) Help me out, I've got cabin fever, and I need a creative outlet before I go back to sniffing glue and watching porn all day.

Ever wondered what the words to that System of a Down song were? Click and find out for yourself.

Thanks to FC for the link.

Friday, October 29, 2004

You sick fucks

I've been receiving some very strange traffic over the past few days. Look below to see how people find my blog through MSN, Google and Yahoo.

Beastiality with Monkeys

Does Meth cause blisters on your neck?

Oriental vs. Asian, India

Shitty Shulgin Arrested

To all you Spun, Asian monkey fuckers out there who stopped by... uhmm... thanks?

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

You're number one!

Tonight's Lunar Eclipse

Here's a guide to seeing the eclipse.

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Be sure to check it out. Due to the recent eruptions of Mount St. Helens (which is asploding as we speak, go look at the webcam), the moon should be a coppery red color.

Rarely is the question asked:

"What the holy fuck are you talking about?!?!"

Here's the majority of the stupid statements that have fallen from the lips of our Fearless Leader over the past 4 years.

Every Bushism to date.

Thanks to Xtina for the file. Let your wings take dream! And please try to co-exist peacefully with the fishies.

Bush/Cheney campaign slogan '04:

"If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier. Meh heh heh. Just so as long as I'm the dictator."

Only morons work in retail

That's a bit of a generalization, so let me elaborate.

Only morons work in the computer section of retail outlets. I truly believe that you have to have an IQ of under 80 points to be a computer tech at a national chain of stores.

This past weekend I did some computer upgrades. My system has been lagging ever since I put all those magnets on the outside of my hard drive (it keeps the floppy disks in place), so I decided to do a bit of work. After picking up a new 120 gig HDD at OfficeMax (70 bucks! w00t!), and blasting 5 years worth of dust and aesbestos out of my midget HP tower, I noticed that the fan on my heatsync was dying. Let me repeat that, because I had to do it a good 15 - 20 times on Saturday. The FAN on my HEATSYNC died.

Now, I am not a computer guru. I worked for an insurance company cleaning and fixing smoke and water damaged systems for a while, and I built a few systems of my own, but I am not at the level of removing chips from the motherboard and re-soldering wires, or things like that. I know enough about hardware and software to be able to fully explain what I need, and what is wrong with my 'puter. And 99% of the time, I can fix the problem.

Let me tell you, on Saturday, I felt like Bill Gates. After hitting a few of the smaller stores, looking for a good deal, I realized that a 12V fan with heatsync is not a common item. What's worse is even though I specifically say the words "fan ON MY HEATSYNC" or "fan WITH HEATSYNC", the only words that these idjits hear is "Fan". And then they immediately get me a CPU fan.

Pardon me for expecting computer salesmen to actually know the difference between parts, but there is a BIG difference between the two. And it REALLY irritated me that ComputerLand, Best Buy, Office Max, Office Depot, Radio Shack and Computer LAN'd all misheard me. This was not an isolated incident, folks. Between talking on the phone, and talking to a salesman in person, I probably had to reiterate "HEATSYNC" to 10 - 12 people. A Best Buy employee even told me that "Yes, we have about 10 different brands of 12V fans, come on in". And what happened when I got to the store? 3 different types of CPU Fans, nothing else.

I've had it with Best Buy. I've had problems with them before, and this was just icing on the cake. I now refuse to set foot inside that goddamn place. If I want a CD, I'll go to Twist and Shout or Wax Trax (I won't link the site, because the have a HORRIBLE L'il John a.k.a. Icy Hit Stuntaz song set to play at top volume). If I want computer hardware, it's CompUSA or MicroCenter. If I want a movie, I'll go to Target or even Sprawl-Mart, and if I want a book, I'll head to Barnes and Noble. Congratulations, Best Buy. Your shitty selection of music, tendency to frisk customers when they leave the store, complete and total lack of employees with anything greater than a middle school education and all-around ineptitude regarding computers has cost you a customer.

I FINALLY got lucky at CompUSA (which is where I should have gone in the first place, but I am not a smart man, Jenny). I found exactly what I needed within 2 minutes of stepping foot into the store, and because they actually take the time to group specific parts together, and place large, readable signs over said product, I didn't even need to ask another retail-monkey for help.

To sum things up:
Time spent calling around, looking for parts: 45 minutes.
Time spend driving from store to store to store: 3 hours
Time spent repeating myself to pimply faux computer techs: 1 hour.
Time spent installing new HDD, CDR/RW Drive, and Heatsync with fan: 20 minutes.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Da Plane!

I LOVE tattoos. Love 'em, I tells ya! There's nothing like sitting in the artists' chair with your sleeve rolled up, the chilly air hitting your arms, the smell of A&D and ink, and the buzz of the tattoo gun. You get kind of apprehensive when your artist swabs the area with disinfectant and places the layout on the area you're getting inked, but as soon as you feel the sting of the needle, it fades away. Then you just sit back and enjoy the pain. Yes, enjoy the pain. Because it's a GOOD pain. It's an adrenaline rush. It's something you can't really describe. How can you describe sex to a virgin, or drugs to a person that has never done them? It's just something you have to experience for yourself in order to fully appreciate the feeling. Sure, after the tattoo is done it's a bit sore and uncomfortable, but that only lasts for a few days. And when the discomfort fades, you have something that sets you apart from everyone else (unless you're one of those flash art posers).


...and there's always an if...

1) You get it done correctly and chose a good, reliable artist.
2) You don't chose a generic P.O.S design off of the wall (flash art).
3) You don't do something kitchy or emotionally charged (name of boyfriend/girlfriend, name of a band, number of a sports player (they DO change teams you know), or something you believe in at the moment). I used to date a girl named Amy, listen to Metallica, like the Charlotte Hornets and practice Wicca. At this moment in time, I'm batting 0 for 4.

Lately, tattoos are being described as a fad or a trend that's on it's way out the door. Like tattoos are something that were invented just recently. Whaaaaat?? Looks like another case of people not knowing what they are talking about. So for those people out there that think tattoos are just another trend, let me give you a little history lesson.

The word tattoo is taken from the Tahitian word "tatu", which means "to mark something". The oldest tattoo ever discovered dates back to 4000 B.C. to a man discovered in a glacier. Carbon dating suggests that he's well over 5,300 years old.

Egyptians and Nubians were practicing the art (and yes, it IS an art) way back in 2000 B.C. The Romans used it as a way of marking slaves and the Greeks used it as a form of communication amongst spies. In Japan, it was used as a way to identify criminals. First time offenders were marked with a line across the forehead. After the second offense, an arch was added over the line. A third offense was marked with another line. Together, these marks formed the Japanese character for "dog". But it eventually became an aesthetic art form. Only royalty were allowed to wear ornate clothing and as a result of this, the middle class adorned themselves with elaborate full body tattoos.

In Europe, tattooing was banned in the 8th century because it was deemed a barbaric custom. However, it came back to light in the 1700's by Captain James Cook, after he saw Tahitians practicing the art. The Tahitian tattoos served as a rite of passage, telling the history of the wearer's life. Coming of age was a reason to receive one, as well as getting married. In Borneo, women were the tattooists. Tattoos on the hands and fingers were used to ward off evil spirits, as well as to showcase a persons particular trade skill, such as weaving. They also signified membership in a particular clan or society.

The first electric tattoo gun was invented in 1891 by Samuel O'Riley. It was based on the design of Thomas Edison's electric pen, which punctured paper with a needle point. It was around this time that tattooing because disdained. Because of the electric gun, tattoos were affordable and readily available to anyone who wanted one. And once the general public started showcasing tattoos, the upper class society started to shun them, and therefore, it lost a great deal of credibility. Tattooing became an underground art; if you wanted one, you had to go to the sleaziest parts of town and find a shop by word of mouth. Heavily tattooed people travelled with circuses and became freaks and sideshow attractions. During World War I and II, sailors got tattooed to show where they had been, or where they had fought. Sailors also got pictures of their wives or girlfriends tattooed on their bodies to remind them of home.

It wasn't until the 1960 that the attitude towards tattooing started to change. And while it has become more widely accepted over time, it has also become more and more of an in vogue thing to do.

Now, I LOVE my tattoos. I wouldn't have them removed for anything. I spent a lot of time and effort thinking about, designing and planning my piece, going from parlor to parlor looking for good artists and researching the shop (you don't want to get a tattoo from a place that has recently been shut down by the Health Department), not to mention the 4 month waiting list before each session (3 sessions over the course of a year and a half to finish my right half-sleeve, in case you're interested), and I'll proudly show off all my tattoos 40 years from now. As for the people that think they're just a fad..... well, they're also the ones that spend thousands of dollars and subject themselves to extreme pain when they have the cute little purple butterfly surgically removed from their ankles or small of their backs. No sympathy from me.

I work with a dumb little 19 year old that wanted to get a skull and crossbones on the side of her neck as her first tattoo. I tried to discourage her, and tell her about some of the horrible tattoos I've seen before. When that didn't work, I attempted to give her the name of a GREAT artist here in Colorado. But "That's too expensive, my friend is going to do it for me". Well, she deserved the ugly, crooked smear of a tattoo that she ended up with, and she deserves to be ridiculed in 5 years when she can't get a decent job, because she has a stupid fucking skull (with a polka-dot bow) on her neck. THAT'S why tattoos have a bad rap. Jackasses like her get spur-of-the-moment art done, and then bitch about it for the next 30 years. They decide that all tattoos are stupid because they don't realize that TATTOOS ARE PERMANANT! Once it's on, it's on baby. There's no going back. People don't consider the consequences of their actions; they're too caught up in the heat of the moment, and all of a sudden, you have permanent eyeshadow, or an anarchy symbol on your arm, or someone's initials on your chest.

But you can't save anyone. Some people need to learn from their own mistakes.

Here's the best place in the state of Colorado to go if you are interested in getting a VERY nice piece.
Twisted Sol

Big Mike is the artist who did my tattoo; check out his profolio, but if you want him, be prepared to wait at least 6 months.

Monday, October 25, 2004

A wise man once said...

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.

Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996), 1987 CSICOP Keynote Address.

New Chit

Take a look around and let me know what you think about the upgrades I have done to the site. Mainly, it's the sidebar. I have started adding icons for all of my links. Right now they are kind of sporadic, but I intend to make buttons for everything. My question to all of you is this:

Which do you prefer? The plain text link, or the image link? And if you prefer to button, would you change anything about it (larger, smaller, etc.)

Let me know, and if you have a blog that is listed and have a button you would like to use as a link to your site, drop me a line.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Election Violence Strikes Colorado

Well, first of all, I finally got my absentee ballot. Which I wasn't expecting to get at all, since about 13,000 of them won't be arriving. There was some sort of a faux pas with the out-of-state company that prints them. They claimed to have sent them out, and that the post office was just backlogged, and the USPS claimed that there was no backlog; hilarity most certainly did not ensue.

So it was a bit of a surprise when I opened by mailbox yesterday and found my "Election 2004" envelope. "Hooray!" I thought. "Now I don't have to go to Abu Bakar Mosque and Moslem Society" (Yes, that is where my official polling place is, and if you can name the 2 ironies in that, I will give you... well, nothing.) But alas, it is not to be. I'll just be dragging my lazy ass to the booth and voting in person. Here's why:

Link to full article...
Littleton teenager Aaron Oster-Beal woke up one morning last week to find the family's Kerry-Edwards yard sign on the porch covered with a rude surprise - a pile of dog excrement.

Voters in Jefferson County have received calls from someone posing as an election official and instructing them to throw away their absentee ballots.

A Colorado Springs woman recently received a call from someone claiming to be from Sen. John Kerry's presidential campaign who expressed condolences about the death of her husband in Iraq. When the woman said she knew her husband was still alive, the caller said a vote for Kerry would help keep him that way.

The belief that thousands of voters were disenfranchised four years ago has also fired an intense and often emotional effort to register people and make sure their votes are counted.

But that effort has also come with major glitches. Some companies paid workers for every new registration they brought in, creating incentives to forge names and signatures.

Jasmine Montoya, who until last week worked for a Democrat-aligned voter-registration group, said trainers told her that even if people indicated they were already registered, they should encourage them to register again.

She and other canvassers for Moving America Forward said they would ask people whether they supported Pete Coors or Ken Salazar in the race for U.S. Senate. If they supported Salazar, canvassers handed them a form to request an absentee ballot. If they supported Coors, they would walk away.


* The state's top election official told The Associated Press that Colorado could be one of several states that may hold up the results of the presidential election for days or even weeks because of new voting rules and potential legal fights. Political experts have expressed similar concerns about Colorado in recent weeks.

* Several voters have sued election officials in Boulder County, accusing them of violating the state constitution by printing serial numbers and bar codes on ballots. The voters believe the ballots could lead to an invasion of privacy. But officials say voters will not be matched to the serial numbers.

An important measure on our ballot this year is Amendment 36, the "Electoral College Amendment", which very well could make us "The Florida of 2004". This Amendment is pissing off Republicans and Liberals alike, and I am willing to bet that with something as unsecure as the United States Postal Service, more than a few absentee ballots will be "accidentally" lost in the mail. I'd also like instant gratification from my voting experience. I am not a patient man. I want my stats to show up tomorrow.

Not only that, but the Safeway down the street has early voting booths set up right next t the Starbucks. So instead of voting absentee, and risk having my ballot disappearing, I'm just going to head up the block, grab a big-ass White Chocolate Espresso, and head into the (electronic!) booths they have put there for my convenience. If I have enough coffee, maybe I'll vote twice!


Dammit. No voting today. Add that to the list - you can't buy a car, buy beer, vote, go to a motorcycle shop, drive a black car, visit a head shop or eat at Dora's (awesome mexican food) on a Sunday.

But the White Chocolate Mocha was good!

Speling rong is kewl!

There is a disturbing new trend going on all around you. It happens every day. You hear it on the radio, see it on MTV, and read about it in magazines. You talk about it with your friends and co-workers. There is a good chance you haven’t noticed it, but if not, don’t be upset. I’m going to enlighten you. Look ahead, faithful reader.

This fad is referred to as ‘illiteracy’, and it takes on many forms. The biggest one, and coincidentally the one that is usually overlooked, comes from music. It seems that it is couth to be stupid. Bands and artists have gotten into the habit of misspelling and mispronouncing everyday words, especially when it happens to be the name they have chosen for their group. Now keep in mind that this isn’t something totally new, this has been going on for decades, but it seems to have exploded in the last 5 years or so. I’m going to give you quite a few examples, so if you don’t like to read, then you probably should quit right now and go download some more porno, you sick little monkey.

The following bands are guilty of what I like to call “coolpidity”. This happens when someone intentionally lowers their education to the 2nd grade level in order to be noticed or set apart from the pack. It runs rampant in nu-metal bands, and especially rap, but sometimes it spreads out into other genres as well. Here's a sample of Coolpidity:

Led Zeppelin
Def Leppard
Enuff Z’nuff
Mötlëy Crüe
Limp Bizkit
Linkin Park
Jeru the Damaja
The Pharcyde (I love the group, but dammit!)
SugaBabes (Forget an important consonant there, didja?)
Puddle of Mudd (Muddle of Pudd?)
Dredg (Gimme an ‘E’!)
Cocoa Brovaz (Changed their name from Smif N’ Wessun. Any ideas on why they were sued? Heh.)
Alliance Ethnik
Basement Khemist
Global Phlowtations
Gorillaz (Great music, bad name)
Kutmasta Kurt
Organized Konfusion
Skhool Yard (Do they see the irony in misspelling ‘school’?)

And the worst offender:
Sahnuhtayshun Duhpartment Muzik (Why??? Maybe a better name would have been ‘Short Bus’.)

I’m not just ragging on artists that I don’t like, there are a few on the list that I enjoy immensely, but I can’t talk shit selectively, so I have to include everyone.

Rappers: I understand that you want to stay true to the streets, and that you want to maintain some of your ghetto, school-of-hard-knocks image, but stuff like this doesn’t make you look hard, it makes you look DUMB. That’s all there is to it.

Rock artists: When I go onto KaZaA or e-Mule, I don’t want to have to spend ½ an hour just trying to find your bands name! The reason your album sales are so shitty is because no one can track you down in the store! You ever tried to look for a CD, and are forced to check 3 different shelves because someone thought it would be witty to spell everything pho-net-tic-a-lly? Sanitation is a LOT easier to track down than Sahnuhtayshun.

I have spent a while trying to understand the rules behind this fad, and here’s what I have come up with.

1) Using a ‘Z’ instead of a ‘S’ makes you sound tough.
2) All ‘C’s should be changed to a hard ‘K’.
3) The letter ‘U’ needs to be drawn out into a southern drawl. ‘Uhhhhh’.
4) ‘The’ must be changed to ‘Tha’ or ‘Da’.
5) Vowels are not important. Omit them whenever possible. This occasionally applies to consonants as well
6) ‘I’ can be changed to ‘Y’, or in some instances ‘E’
7) Umlauts make you seem German, and Germans are cool. (i.e.: Mötlëy Crüe or Blüë Öystër Cült.)
8) Alternative spellings make you seem original and hip.

The bottom line: LEARN TO TALK GOODER! Damn!


*all misspellings and instances of poor grammar in this post were intentional, and inserted strictly as satire. Really.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

He's not REALLY dumb.

The big story - "a striking decline in his [The President] sentence-by-sentence speaking skills." The reason? One doctor says "pre-senile dementia" a catch-all term for earlier-than-normal cognitive declines (probably "dry-drunk syndrome"). This video intercuts footage from 10 years ago with recent footage - the difference is dramatic and disturbing. And obvious.

Pre-senile dementia video.

...and what he actually SAYS in the 2nd video is rather harsh.

Interesting and Creepy

Taken from Desert News

In 1936, in India, recounts Nobel Laureate Bernard Lown in "The Lost Art of Healing," an astonishing experiment was conducted on a prisoner condemned to die by hanging. He was given the choice instead of being "exsanguinated," or having his blood let out, because this would be gradual and relatively painless. The victim agreed, was strapped to the bed and blindfolded.

Unbeknownst to him, water containers were attached to the four bedposts and drip buckets set up below. Then after light scratches were made on his four extremities, the fake drip brigade began: First rapidly, then slowly, always loudly. "As the dripping of water stopped, the healthy young man's heart stopped also. He was dead, having lost not a drop of blood."

Dying of fright can occur in one of two ways, explains Dennis Coon in his "Essentials of Psychology, Exploration and Application." The stepped-up heartbeat and other physiological reactions of the "fight-or-flight" response can kill directly; or "parasympathetic rebound" can be deadly, where the body works to calm itself and goes too far the other way, and actually stops the heart. Cases abound of soldiers dying of fright in savage battles or of people dying at other very emotional times. Voodoo deaths also pay testament to the amazing power of the mind over the body.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

More political humor.

A Message in the Public Interest

To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John Kerry, please drive with your headlights 'ON' during the day.

If you support George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights 'OFF' at night.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

A letter to Mr. Bush

Dear George W. Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his life by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I broke my promise already

Gee, big surprise. I'm back to posting about politics. Anyhow, I found this to be very interesting. If you take the time to read about their scoring and fallacies, and then go through and read the transcripts of the debate (I know, more thinkin'...), you will notice some very interesting things.

Thanks to new link addition BlogOsphere ZoO

Project QED

Gauging the speech of electoral candidates on standards of substance and logic to encourage meaningful election speech. We are currently rating Presidential candidates in debate performances.


The 2004 Presidential Election Debates

Debate 1: September 30, 2004

pQED Scores:

Kerry +82 (winner on substance and logic)
Bush +43

Ratio of scores: 1.91

Debate 2: October 8, 2004

pQED Scores:

Kerry +82 (winner on substance and logic)
Bush +57

Ratio of scores: 1.44

Debate 3: October 13, 2004

pQED Scores:

Kerry +103 (winner on substance and logic)
Bush +56

Ratio of scores: 1.84

Here is an explanation of the scoring method used, and a list of fallacies. For those too lazy to follow the links, below is a small sample of the scoring method. It pretty much boils down to +1 point for answering the question posed, and for each discrete and valid reason given for the point being made, and -1 point for failing to answer a question, and for each discrete statement containing a fallacy, or logical error.

Substantive election discourse is issues-based and avoids the following:

Empty statements: broad points offered without reasons
e.g., “I will be the better president”

Focus on process over substance
e.g., focus on polling figures rather than issues
e.g., claiming an opponent’s position is “political” rather than addressing the merit of the position

Focus on irrelevant features of personality
e.g., a grimace in a debate
e.g., a sigh in a debate
e.g., checking a watch in a debate

Failure to answer questions posed
e.g., speaking in response to the question without giving the yes/no or other specific answer required

Repetition in lieu of additional points of substance
e.g., “my 3 points are that I am stronger, more forceful and less weak”


Great photoshop skills. But horrifying nonetheless.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Why is "Liberal" now an insult?

I am making an attempt to make this my final political post until the election. Politics are not something that I am constantly focused on, and there are already enough political blogs out there, I don't need to add another one to the list. I'm sure a few more posts will show up sporadically, but I'm trying to kick this nasty habit.

I listen to a lot of talk radio at work, and I have noticed a trend with both the hosts, the callers, and the advertisement. Everyone is using the word "Liberal" like it is some sort of horrible, incurable disease that you catch from a toilet seat or a syphilitic hooker. Is this just Obsessive-Compulsive Left-bashing by the Right? Or is it a case of people twisting words to suit their causes?

Here's a definition of the word "Liberal" according to the Dictionary. As usual, I have highlighted the parts that I feel are important.

1) Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.
Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.
2) Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism.
3) Of, designating, or characteristic of a political party founded on or associated with principles of social and political liberalism, especially in Great Britain, Canada, and the United States.
4) Tending to give freely; generous.
5) Generous in amount; ample.

As far as I can see it, a Liberal is a free-thinking, open-minded person who shuns the idea of bigotry, and is generous, tolerant and a helpful person.

Now, let's take a look at the definition of "Conservative", according to Mr. Dictionary. Green means important!

1) Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.
2) Traditional or restrained in style.
3) Moderate; cautious.
4) Of or relating to the political philosophy of conservatism.
5) Belonging to a conservative party, group, or movement.

So, Conservative means close-minded and set in your ways. That's not necessarily a bad thing, in some instances. But when it comes to the future of your country, wouldn't you rather look forward and be open to changes than look back and pine for the way things once were? Progress happens no matter what, whether you like it or not. Sticking to your convictions can be both admirable and incredibly dangerous. The most recent example I can think of where someone refused to listen to reason strictly out of stubbornness was when the US Armed Forces rolled into Baghdad International Airport, and Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf STILL claimed that "There are no Americans in or near Iraq". And what is that man doing for a living nowadays?

Analogy time:

Do you want to purchase a DVD player, or do you want to stick with your BetaMax and hope that the releases keep coming?
If you eat dinner, would you give your leftovers to a homeless person who hasn't eaten in 3 days, or do you hoard your food, even if you may end up tossing it in the trash 4 days later, uneaten?
Do you ever take your friends out to dinner, or for drinks and pay for the tab yourself, or do you go out and expect the other person to pick up the bill?

Look at it globally. Imagine that you are America, and the rest of the world represents people you deal with on a daily basis. Who do you prefer to associate yourself with? The stubborn people who won't budge about anything, or the more open-minded people who are willing to at least entertain the thought that there may be something outside the box. Do you choose the cheapskates who won't even give you 50 cents for a soda, or do you choose the people who take turns buying rounds at the bar?

Without Conservatives, there would be no Liberalism. Liberal would just be the norm. I believe that you need conservative values mixed in with liberal values. Yin and Yang. Alpha and Omega. Sweet and Sour.

Now, please explain to me why it is bad to be a liberal. And you are not allowed to use examples of past Presidents, Senators or anyone involved in politics. Here's why:

When you are talking about politics, and you mention the word "Liberal", then you immediately think of one of the following people: Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky or Al Franken (or if you're a 'head, then Chuck D). These people are not well liked by the Right, or by some people on the Left, for that matter.

Same goes for Conservative. When you hear "Conservative" or "Conservative Right", that triggers a knee-jerk reaction in a lot of people. Bush is Conservative Right. So is Rush. And Coulter. Falwell.

Get where I am going with this? Only the extremists are remembered and thought of when either term is used. So try this: Next time you hear the word, try not to associate it with a specific person. Liberal and Conservative politics are more than just a handful of outspoken individuals. You shouldn't base your vote on a movie. You shouldn't vote or not vote for Bush because a radio personality told you to. And you definitely shouldn't vote for someone because a newspaper or television network endorses them. That falls into what I posted earlier about coming to your own conclusions and not being just another lemming, blindly following the asshole in front of you.

Yet another thing that bothers me is the way that Conservatives continuously refer to their opponents as "Communists" or "Socialists". If you took the time to research these different political idologies, then you would see that comparing Liberals to Communists is like comparing apples to shopping carts. The two have nothing to do with each other. If you're going to do that, then you should start comparing Conservatives to Klan members. It's real easy to do, watch.

Conservatives and the Ku Klux Klan are both:
Traditional (ie: set in their ways)
Afraid of and opposed to Change

So, by using those comparisons, I can safely say that all Conservatives are nigger-hating, god-fearing, close-minded Klan members. Now THAT'S not very fair or accurate, is it? Especially to the Conservatives who aren't racist, sexist or religious. And it really sucks to be compared to a group of uneducated white-trash nutjobs in white robes. Especially when it's done over and over and over and over again.

For Chrissakes, please kill the cry of "It's because of the Liberal Media! It's THEEEEIIIRRR FAULT!!!"

NEWS FLASH: The media is BIASED!! Holy shit, what a revelation that is! You mean FOX isn't really "Fair and Balanced" after all? Newspapers from Berkley, California and Boulder, Colorado have a Liberal slant?!? Shutup you mouth! If you want unbiased news and articles that aren't more op-ed than actual reporting, why not make your way over to the BBC? Or see what the Canada National News has to say. I have links set up just for you! You can go to Drudge (very Right), or check out Molly Ivins (very Left). Don't just trust a single source, research things on your own. Stop blaming the Liberal Media for everything. If you spend over an hour each day blogging, and your only news stops are CNN and ABC, then you really have NO IDEA about what is going on in the world. You're ignorant, and you deserve to be ridiculed by people like me.

American news outlets are catered towards AMERICANS. They tell you what you want to hear; they show you what you want to see. Doubt me? Make your way over to Al-Jazeera and take a gander at the pictures of dead American soldiers. It may not be pretty, but it's an honest depiction of what the war over there is doing to our troops. To be honest, I'd take their word over FOX News any day. Hell, I'd believe Telemundo before O'Reilly.

You're almost done, keep reading!!

I tend to surf around on the blogsphere and try to start debates with people. I do this for a number of reasons.
1) The brain is a muscle, and if you don't exercise it regularly, it becomes atrophied and useless.
2) I like learning new things, and getting a sense of other peoples thoughts and beliefs. Even if I don't agree with someone, that doesn't mean I can't learn a few things from interacting with them.
3) I like to see if people really believe what they say, or if they are just miming others. It usually only takes 5 to 10 minutes to figure this out.
4) Sometimes, in order to make things fun, I play Devil's Advocate. I piss off Left and Right alike. No one gets spared.

The most common redundancy I notice, is that when people start to realize that they are losing a debate, they panic and resort to name-calling. That's usually where the "Communist" comments come in. I don't understand this. You can't be correct 100% of the time. I debate regardless of the outcome. If I win, then maybe I have persuaded someone else to view things differently. If I lose, I don't see it as a bad thing. I have gained valuable information and have LEARNED something that I can use in the future. The problem is, not many people are willing to concede when they have been bested.

Recently I got into a heated debate with someone on a board called "Red, White and Right". I tried to explain these things to him, and he flat out REFUSED to debate with me. His thought process was "If I am 100% sure of what I believe in, then why waste the time arguing about it?" He wouldn't even visit my blog because he didn't want to "support me or my Liberal website, because I would donate any money made from traffic to groups that he doesn't agree with". Not exact words, but a pretty accurate paraphrase.

Yes, why bother to consider the point of view of someone outside of your exclusive club? It sure would suck to think for yourself. No wonder other countries look at us with disdain. We're close-minded, selfish and PROUD OF IT! Some people mistake this for Patriotism.

I've rambled on long enough, so I will finish with this thought:

Conservatives: Stop pigeonholing everyone who you don't agree with into a single category! It makes you come off worse than your opponent. You're being a dick, and everyone knows it. No one likes pompous self-serving assholes.

Liberals: Stop being such pussies, and stand up for what you believe in! You think the Right is being mean and unfair? Get a spokesman who does the same! Fight fire with fire!

Voters: Don't be embarrassed because of who you are voting for! There's no shame in voting for the candidate of your choosing. I'm a registered Independent, and I am voting for Kerry this election. Not because I believe in the Democratic party, and although I hate (and that's not a strong enough emotion to describe it) GWB, I am not voting against him out of spite, or out of personal feelings. I am voting for Kerry because I believe that it is best for the country. Sometimes my morals and ethics have to take a backseat. Suck it up, take one for the team, and maybe next time around you'll have better luck. In 2004, I will be all over the ticket. I am voting for a few Democrats, I am still undecided about a few Republicans (still in the process of informing myself about all the local political choices), and I will even be voting Libertarian in at least one instance. So, don't vote Republican because it's what you've always done. Don't vote Democratic because you want to get as many Republicans out of the Senate or House as possible. DON'T VOTE SELFISHLY!!

Thoughts? Comments? Death Threats? Let me hear them. I ain't askeerdid.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Google Desktop Search is SKEERY!

A few things to think about before installing Google's new Desktop Search.

Article from Silicon Valley

Desktop Search does three things in particular that could compromise your privacy when someone else uses your computer:

First, the software keeps a copy of all your AOL Instant Messenger conversations. AIM, for many users, is like talking over the water cooler at work -- you say things you don't want preserved for posterity. Until now, AIM conversations with your buddies disappeared from your computer the moment you closed the discussion window. Desktop Search, however, makes a copy of AIM conversations and keeps them forever.

Second, the software keeps its own copy of all your Outlook and Outlook Express e-mail messages -- even after you delete them from within Outlook or Outlook Express. A confidential company memo, in other words, will still pop up during Google searches after you've emptied the Deleted Items folder in Outlook.

Third, the software keeps a copy of every Web page you visit and lists those pages in search results with the date and time of your visit. This even includes Web pages that are supposed to be secure from prying eyes, such as those run by online banking sites.

That means if someone else uses your PC and enters the word ``bank'' or ``brokerage'' in Desktop Search, they could uncover your confidential financial information. There are controls within Desktop Search to block each of these three search features, but it's not immediately obvious how to find them and many users will never bother to learn.

Continue article...

Kinda scary. I already trust my blogging with Google, not to mention Gmail accounts, my Google Toolbar and my Gmail notifier. I don't know if I want them taking over my everyday PC tasks. Isn't that how Microsoft originally started?

I think for now I'll hold off on Google Desktop.

/dons tinfoil hat, hides in corner

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Since everyone else is posting it...

Here's the entire (working!) clip of Jon Stewart on Crossfire, blasting the hosts for being... well, you've seen chimps on Crossfire before.


Or, you could be a bandwidth hog and catch it hotlinked below:

Jon Stewart on Crossfire

UPDATED 10-18-04

Jesus, Tucker! Are you STILL upset about that "partisan hackery" comment?

More changes.

Here's what I am in the process of doing:

1) Cleaning up the links section. Too much crap, and no one follows them anyway. So if you see a particular link (note: This does NOT apply to the "Blogs" section) that you like and want me to keep, let me know.

2) Gave props to the products and sites that deserve them, as well as all blog search engines.

3) Adding a Google bar to the site for improved article searchability.

4) Adding blog banners on my sidebar, as well as a few nifty new sites I recently found. So, if you are listed, and you would like a graphic put in place of your link (like My So-Called-Strife and American Blogger, then let me know and I will put one up. Or even create one for you if I get bored enough. If you'd like to promote ME with a banner, you can choose from the following:

All but the last 2 are thanks, once again, to Kirk. I forgot who made me the other ones, it was a while ago. But thanks nonetheless.

Also, I'm ALWAYS accepting art from folks, and am willing to trade. So if you'd like to contribute a piece, I will most likely use it in some form or another.

Hopefully the 'puter will be up and running smoothly by tomorrow, I've got a bunch stuff that I have been neglecting to post (I layyyzzzzzz.....)

Goddam it.

Well, my computer has just crapped out. Of course this would happen right after I start getting massive amounts of traffic. *sigh* Hopefully I'll be up by Sunday, but we'll see. If you've sent me an email, please be patient, I will get back to you. If you're just coming here for the first time, have a look around and enjoy the pornography that I've hidden somewhere in this site. Ohhhh yeah....


Thursday, October 14, 2004

A call to artists

This is a request for any and all people out there who are artistically inclined. I need some banners to promote my site. Here's the deal:

Size needed:
Between 400 width, 60 height to 400 width, 100 height. I'm also looking for a button I can give to the people who are already promoting me. Something that is around 100 width, 40 height.

Style: Surprise me. I've been sticking to a tribal/lightning/flames/barcode theme, as well as a blue/green/black color scheme, but anything is welcomed.

The payout: Gmail invites, Starbucks coffee delivered to your door, a link promoting your site/blog or my unending thanks. Interesting trades also considered.

Come on, artists! Show me whatcha got!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Blog Explosion

Well, I went ahead and signed up with Blog Explosion, which is a nifty site. I've come across some real cool stuff on there. I tend to sign up with as many search engines as possible, but this is the most innovative one I have seen to date.

So, if you have found your way here through them, drop me a comment, let me know what you think about the site. I'm interested in seeing how much traffic it will generate for me.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

Lobotomized Couch Monkeys

Time to piss some more folks off. My beef today is with professional sports. My issues with them can be broken down into 3 distinct categories.

1) The morons who watch sports
2) The morons who play sports
3) Sports before life

Let's get this party started, shall we?


Now, not everyone who watches baseball/football/basketball/hockey/etc. is a moron. Although I personally don't see the point in sitting on your ass for 3 hours watching someone else throw a ball around, when YOU could go outside and have fun throwing the ball around. I wouldn't think it would be very fulfilling to watch other people live their lives, while you sit there on the couch and waste yours. What is the point in watching overpaid, under-educated meatheads slap ass, grab crotch and struggle to form complete sentences during the post-game interview? Isn't there something better you could do with your time? You could get sterilized, for starters. Chances are you rarely use your genitals if you're sitting on your Lay-Z-Boy every day, sucking PBR or Bud Light from a plastic bottle and cramming greasy pizza into your fat face. If you spend both Friday and Saturday watching the playoffs instead of wiping the crumbs off your chin and enjoying beautiful autumn weather, then the opposite sex probably doesn't want too much to do with you anyway.

Why the obsession with sports? I can understand an interest, but what the fuck is up with the extreme sports fans? You know the ones I mean. The ex-frat boys whose hat size and IQ are interchangeable. Let me use our Denver Broncos fan as an example.

Meet Tim McKernan:

This is how he has attended each Broncos game since 1977. His "devotion" to the Broncos earned him a spot in the fan section of the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1999. He has said his coldest game was at Kansas City in 1983, with a windchill factor of minus-42. Before he was inducted, he said that if he can keep fans interested in the game, "players are going to play that much harder for them."

Yes, because the real fans shell out 60 bucks for a shitty nosebleed seat, just so they can sit through 4 hours of snow, wind and 8 dollar beers to catch a glimpse of the business end of a wrinkly, orange-and-blue jackass wearing a barrel, cowboy boots, orange suspenders and NOTHING ELSE. The players go out there with a poor attitude, but once they see Tim, they decide to give it their all. Screw training, coaching, practice and steroids. All we need to win the Superbowl is Barrel Man!

ATTENTION SPORTS FANS!! Taking off all your clothes and painting your body is not the sign of a true fan. It is the sign of a lonely, sad person who has nothing better to do than beg for attention by mugging for the cameras and doing the Macarena/Wave/Funky Chicken/Mile-High Salute every time your team gets a first down. We're not laughing WITH you, we're laughing AT you. Also, please note that when watching the game on TV, the players can't actually hear you screaming advice at the top of your lungs. But you probably talk to the characters during a movie as well...

Players. Guess what? YOU AIN'T SHIT, BITCH. Pardon me for using such coarse and vile language, but you catch a fucking ball and run up and down a field for a living. It's not a job that requires a lot of complex thinking. In fact, you're probably playing professional sports because you were too stupid to get a degree, too stupid to get accepted to college without a sports scholarship, too mind-numbingly dense to do anything meaningful with your life. If you played 4 years of college ball, you probably thought about getting drafted more than once. And I can't blame you for that. After all, the American dream is to get as much money while doing as little as possible.

Let's be honest though. The only 'A' you've seen on your report card is from the comments section where your math teacher wrote down "A Miserable Failure". If you spent 4 or more years in college, and haven't yet thought about what kind of a job you want to get when you leave, then I see only 2 possible scenarios in your future.


Sad, but true. And those of you who are lucky enough to make it to the big leagues, you need to know that it was just that. Luck. You went up against dozens of other potential draftees, and you won. Whoop-a-dee-doo!! Time to squander your undeserved money, dodge all child-support payments and buy tons of bling! And a fleet of H2's! Nothing says small peni... er... professional athlete like a faux Hummer riding on 22" spinners.

Here's a great idea! How about instead of giving you an outrageous sum of money for 3 or 4 years of playing in the park, we give you a check that is proportionate to the amount of effort and work you do. You're always stating that you're not playing for money, you're playing for the love of the game. But how many of you athletes would still be playing pro ball if you were only bringing in 50 - 60 grand a year? Probably not too many...

I've made up a quick list of rules that I think are quite reasonable and totally justified.

Say you sign a 5 year contract for 5 million dollars. A paltry 1 million a year is a pretty nice paycheck, wouldn't you agree? Even if you don't, tough shit, that's all you get. I'm sorry if you don't think that's fair, but we don't even pay our PRESIDENT that much money every year. And he decides the fate of the country. You just decide who is the "World Champion". And even that is a bullshit title anyway, because YOU DON'T PLAY ANYONE OUTSIDE THE USA!!

Now comes the fun part. You get docked pay every time you fail at something.

Docked $5,000 for every pass missed or intercepted.
Docked $1,000 for every time tackled or sacked.
Docked $10,000 for every fumble.
Docked $50,000 for every missed field goal or blocked punt (all you do is kick anyway!)
Docked $1000 for every failure to get a 1st down.
Docked $20,000 for every penalty called against you.
Docked $10,000 every time you are taken out of a game.
Docked $100,000 every time you are ejected from a game.

Now, of course you will be given bonuses on certain occasions. I'm not a total prick. If you kick ass, you'll be rewarded for your hard work.

Bonus of $25,000 for every kickoff return resulting in a touchdown.
Bonus of $50,000 for every 90+ yard run.
Bonus of $25,000 for every 50+ yard field goal.
Bonus of $25,000 for 4 or more touchdowns in a game.

This of course would vary by sport; if you play baseball, you would get a bonus for hitting a grand-slam or for making a triple play, or pitching a no hitter.

I think that this makes the game a lot more fair. If you have to actually work for your money, then you're more likely to give 100% effort. If you are constantly fumbling the ball, then it probably would be in your best interest to learn to tighten your grip. In order to do that, you'll need to practice more often. By practicing more often, you'll become a better player, and fumble less. And harder work from individuals means a better team, which means more interesting games, which brings in more fans, which creates more revenue and now EVERYONE is happy! And you'll appreciate your money that much more, now that you've actually had to work for it.

Beef #3
I'll keep this one short. Sports should not lead off the news. Sports are a pastime, that's all. We're not going to get bombed by Communists (In Soviet Russia, sports play you!) if Denver doesn't make it into the AFC championship game this year. Keep it at the end of the newscast, where it belongs. Stop interrupting my regular TV programs with football followed by baseball followed by NASCAR (NASCAR originated from bootleggers modifying their cars to outrun the cops during prohibition. Drunken redneck circle-driving is not a sport. Maybe if you made a right-hand turn every so often, I might change my mind, but until then you're outta luck, Cletus). There are already television networks devoted entirely to sports. Perhaps you have heard of them? They're called ESPN (Extra Special People's Network?) and ESPN 2. Keep that shit there, where it belongs. And to all the college kids out there; QUIT FUCKING RIOTING IN BOULDER!! Jesus!

CU: We love football!!
CSU: We love it more!!
CU: We love it so much, that we'll actually drink ourselves to death while watching it!!
CSU: Not before we do!! *thud*
CU: Wanna make a bet? *thud*

So, to conclude:

Thank you, please remember to tip your wait staff!

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Spreading Santorum

First, a little background.

Republican Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania (funnily enough, oft referred to as "The City of Brotherly Love") made some extremely idiotic comments in April of 2003, comparing homosexuality to beastiality, and stating that all gay people should be thrown in jail. Dan Savage, the openly gay writer of a hilarious sex advice column called Savage Love, invited people to name a sex act after this bastion of morality. This is what was chosen:

The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

I've been a fan of Dan Savage for awhile, and I thought I would put up this link. Lots of good stuff here, and I love the idea of this asshole (no pun intended) being forever remembered for his utter stupidity and contempt for anything that doesn't fall into line with his Religious Right point of view. It looks like it may happen, too. He's already listed on Rotten, Urban Dictionary, Wikipedia, and, perhaps funniest of all, his OFFICIAL senatorial website is ranked #2 by Google, right behind (once again, no pun intended) Spreading Santorum. So, being the kind person that I am, I thought I would add yet another link to the growing list.

This one's just for you, Rick.

Enjoy, and please, only Santorum the one you love.

I am a threat to W.

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Things could be worse. I could be labled a Democrat or be suspected of coming from the Middle East. Or be an Atheist/Communist/Damned to Hell after being heavily smited (or is it smote) by Jeebus.

Thanks to Frank for the link.

Tenk you veddy much

To the folks who are responsible for sending traffic my way:

Fiat Lux - I don't know you, but because of your link, my site traffic increased by 1/3. Much appreciated!

The Gerbil Wheel - I don't know you either, but thanks for the link on your site!

The Lawnmower Man - I DO know you, thanks for the multiple links you've posted on your newly renovated blog.

Kirk - We trade links like baseball cards. So, here's another one. Sandy Koufax. Rookie. Mint.

Submission - Sorry to hear about your troubles with "N". But thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

American Blogger - Squawk!! Bush lost. No matter how "Fair and Balanced" FOX may be.

The Jesse Factor - Sorry I left you out earlier, but I saw that you were included in Fiat Lux's profile, so I didn't know if it was a psuedonym or something. But for the record, I really enjoy your site; you're probably one of the most articulate bloggers that I have run across. MAD PROPS!! HAPPY NOW, COCKBITER?!?! Heh.

So, there's my appreciation page. Much thanks to all of my readers. To those I forgot to mention, most humble apologies. To the rest of you:

Friday, October 08, 2004


Fri Oct 08 2004 09:46:43 ET

In a LA TIMES column, Jonathan Chait blasts:

"To say that I consider Bush a 'bad' president would be a severe understatement. I think he's bad in a way that redefines my understanding of the word 'bad.'

"I used to think U.S. history had many bad presidents. Now, my 'bad' category consists entirely of George W. Bush, with every previous president redefined as 'good.'

"There's also the fact that, on a personal level, I despise him with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. What I'm saying is, advocating Bush is kind of tricky." But "what I'll argue instead is that his very awfulness is the reason he deserves reelection. Begin with the premise that a second-term Bush administration is unlikely to make things a whole lot worse." Bush's presidency "is a great mass of contradictions. There's an enormous gap between his purported values - fiscal discipline, toughness against terrorists, a commitment to social conservatism - and his true record.

"Sure, it would be emotionally satisfying to see Bush rejected by the voters once again. But maybe, for this president, defeat is too kind a fate."

Damn, that's a burn if I ever heard one.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Couldn't help it.

I saw this picture of W on Drudge, and I instantly saw a similarity. Can YOU see it?

That was a cheap shot, I guess... but I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Censorship doesn't work.

The Forbidden Library

A list of books that have been banned, who banned them and the strange reasoning behind the censorship. Browse through the site for fun, or buy yourself a copy of 1984.

Here's some examples of the typical 700 Club reasoning. I enjoyed the irony of Fahrenheit 451 being banned (if you've read it, then you will too). However, I don't understand how Shel Silverstein can be considered satanic and cannibalistic. My father bought those books for me and my little sister LOOOONG ago. WTF, dad?!? Were you trying to warp our minds? Not only that, but you gave us "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" too. No wonder I'm so messed up.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. C.S. Lewis. Macmillan. Challenged in the Howard County, Md. school system (1990) because it depicts "graphic violence, mysticism, and gore." I'm sure the school system would rather have its children reading something which adheres to "good Christian values." I cannot recommend the works of C.S. Lewis highly enough. The Narnia books, in particular, are great for readers of all ages.

A Light in the Attic. Shel Silverstein. Harper. Challenged at the Cunningham Elementary School in Beloit, Wis. (1985) because the book "enourages children to break dishes so they won't have to dry them." Removed from Minot, N.Dak. Public School libraries when the superintendent found "suggestive illustrations." Challenged at the Big Bend Elementary School library in Mukwonago, Wis. (1986) because some of Silverstein's poems "glorified Satan, suicide and cannibalism, and also encouraged children to be disobedient."

Where the Sidewalk Ends. Shel Silverstein. Harper. Challenged at the West Allis-West Milwaukee, Wis. school libraries (1986) because the book "suggests drug use, the occult, suicide, death, violence, disrespect for truth, disrespect for legitimate authority, rebellion against parents." Challenged at the Central Columbia School District in Bloomsburg, Pa. (1993) because a poem titled "Dreadful" talks about how "someone ate the baby." On the other hand, this book does present the negative consequences of not taking the garbage out.

Slaughterhouse-Five. Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Dell; Dial. Burned in Drake, N. Dak. (1973). Banned in Rochester Mich. because the novel "contains and makes references to religious matters" and thus fell within the ban of the establishment clause. Challenged at the Owensboro, Ky. high School library (1985) because of "foul language, a reference to 'Magic Fingers' attached to the protagonist's bed to help him sleep, and the sentence: 'The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the fly of God Almighty.' " Challenged, but retained on the Round Rock, Tex. Independent High School reading list (1996) after a challenge that the book was too violent. This particular novel is the recipient of a very cool plug in the movie, Footloose, starring Kevin Bacon.

The Lorax. Dr. Seuss. Random. Challenged in the Laytonville, Calif. Unified School District (1989) because it "criminalizes the foresting industry." Isn't that the de-foresting industry?

Fahrenheit 451. Ray Bradbury. Ballentine. Ironically, students at the Venado Middle School in Irvine, Calif. received copies of the book with scores of words--mostly "hells" and "damns"--blacked out. The novel is about book burning and censorship. Thankfully, after receiving complaints from parents and being contacted by reporters, school officials said the censored copies would no longer be used (1992).

Earth Science. American Book. Challenged at the Plymouth-Canton school system in Canton, Mich. (1987) because it "teaches the theory of evolution exclusively. It completely avoids any mention of Creationism...The evolutionary propaganda also underminds {sic} the parental guidance and teaching the children are receiving at home and from the pulpits." I guess their homes and pulpits didn't teach them how to spell "undermine."

People are fucking idiots. How can ANYONE in their right mind ban Dr. Seuss?!? I guess we should all stick to reading the Bible, because it teaches loving and caring, and doesn't say a thing about creationism or any of that scientific tripe. Nope, nothing wrong with the Bible at all. Oh, wait...

The Bible. William Tyndale, who partially completed translating the Bible into English, was captured, strangled, and burned at the stake (1536) by opponents of the movement to translate the bible into the vernacular. Beginning around 1830, "family friendly" bibles, including Noah Webster's version (1833) began to appear which had excised passages considered to be indelicate.

Strangulation and immolation. Obviously nothing but love comes from that book, or from the asshats who follow it. We should listen to everything they say. Only Jeebus knows what's best for us.

Ripublikanz ar smert!

Good job on the debate last night, Dick! A bit of advice though. There's a BIIIIG difference between a .com domain and a .org domain.

But you know that by now, right?

The Gaffe

A slip of the tongue by the vice president during Tuesday night's debate with Sen. John Edwards (news - web sites) led Web surfers to a site run by George Soros, a billionaire who makes no secret of his opposition to the Bush administration.

In answering a question about his involvement with Halliburton, Cheney meant to direct people to, a nonpartisan site run by the University of Pennsylvania. He urged people watching the debate to go to the site for facts countering Edwards' statements about the corporation Cheney used to run.

But Cheney cited, a for-profit advertising site based in the Cayman Islands.

The company decided to redirect traffic to the Soros site after it became inundated with hits — about 100 a second after the debate, John Berryhill, a Philadelphia lawyer for, said Wednesday.

Where people went


This is the most important election of my lifetime. I have never been heavily involved in partisan politics but these are not normal times. That is why I am sharing this message. I have been demonized by the Bush campaign but I hope you will give me a hearing.

President Bush ran on the platform of a ‘humble’ foreign policy in 2000. If we re-elect him now, we endorse the Bush doctrine of preemptive action and the invasion of Iraq, and we will have to live with the consequences. As I shall try to show, we are facing a vicious circle of escalating violence with no end in sight. But if we repudiate the Bush policies at the polls, we shall have a better chance to regain the respect and support of the world and to break the vicious circle.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

A Moment Of Silence

A sad day in Comedy.

Comic Rodney Dangerfield Dies in L.A. at Age 82

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rodney Dangerfield (news), the goggle-eyed comic famed for his self-deprecating one-liners and signature phrase "I can't get no respect," died on Tuesday at age 82, his spokesman said.

A veteran Las Vegas headliner and TV variety-show fixture who became a pop culture sensation in middle age with a string of broad film comedies starting with "Caddyshack" in 1980, Dangerfield died at the UCLA Medical Center, where he had undergone heart valve replacement surgery on Aug. 25, spokesman Kevin Sasaki said.

Although his initial forays into show business fizzled, Dangerfield successfully restarted his career as a comedian in his 40s. Opening one of America's first comedy clubs -- the now-famous Dangerfield's in Manhattan -- he went on to become a national sensation in his own right and helped launch the careers of such comics as Jim Carrey (news) and Jerry Seinfeld.

His famous trademark white shirt and red tie are on permanent display at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C.

Dangerfield suffered a stroke following his surgery in August and "developed infectious and abdominal complications from which he did not recover," Sasaki said.

During the past week, the entertainer emerged from a coma he had slipped into sometime after the operation, according to his wife, Joan. "When Rodney emerged, he kissed me, squeezed my hand, and smiled for the doctors," she said in a statement.

A native of New York's Long Island, Dangerfield had endured a series of health problems and surgeries in recent years, including double-bypass heart surgery in March 2000 and an operation three months later to correct an aneurysm. He also suffered a mild heart attack in November 2001. Last spring, he underwent brain surgery.

A month later, Dangerfield greeted reporters at the hospital dressed in a sports shirt and Bermuda shorts and declared, "My brain is OK. I feel like a new man." Later, responding to a medical question, he answered, "Ask me about things I'm familiar with, like drugs or prostitution."

Not to turn this into another pro-marijuana post, but I did want to mention that Rodney was a candidate for legal cannabis.

This article:

Running up and down Dangerfield's chest is a long zipper scar, the result of open-heart surgery that saved his life four years ago. Dangerfield also has recovered from two aneurysm operations, and brain surgery. Yet those, he will tell you, are not his biggest problems. Not even close.

Despite regular sessions with a psychiatrist and mountains of medication (he takes 137 pills daily, explained by a color-coded chart hanging in the kitchen and ranging from anti-depressants to Valium to Aleve to Prevacid), Dangerfield is a somber man... a result, Dangerfield's life has been an ode to pain alleviation. He first tried marijuana as a 21-year-old in 1942, and has lit up a joint at least once every day for 60 straight years (Dangerfield even got high in the White House during a visit with Ronald Reagan in 1983). The original title for his autobiography was "My Love Affair With Marijuana."

Or this article:

...he says that the only days he isn't smoking pot are the days when he's in surgery or similarly indisposed; most recently, he went under the knife to have the superficial temporal artery near his left ear inserted into the middle cerebral artery of his brain, in a high-risk, high-cost, no-laughs procedure known as an extracranial-intracranial brain bypass. "The surgeon who did that one calls Rodney his Picasso," says Joan. Joan also says that she's a good Mormon and never gets high with her pothead husband. Rodney says that he's a legal pothead these days, having received doctor's orders to smoke the stuff, mostly to control his high blood pressure.

Or this one:

Dangerfield tells of drinking heavily to counter his depression, but had better results with marijuana. He writes, "Booze is the real culprit in our society. Booze is traffic accidents, booze is wife beating. In my life I've seen many doctors and psychiatrists, and all of them have told me that I'm better off with pot than with booze." Dangerfield now has a doctor's recommendation from a California physician to use marijuana medicinally for high blood pressure and pain. He cautions against smoking on the job, however, saying his comic timing is off while "high" and he does not perform under marijuana's influence.

R.I.P. Rodney. I will always remember you as the drunken, child-molesting father from Natural Born Killers, or as Mr. Burns' illegitimate son.

Cool, there's a name for it!!

Word of the Day for Monday October 4, 2004

abulia, also aboulia \uh-BOO-lee-uh; uh-BYOO-\, noun:
Loss or impairment of the ability to act or to make decisions.

If I could describe myself in 1 word, this would be it. I think. Well, perhaps not.

Shit, I dunno, ask me again later.

Very lame

I got a Whopper from Burger King on lunch, and received a download code for "Free Music". But after logging on to Have It Your Way, I discovered that in order to get my free Jessica Simpson, Nelly or Nickleback song, I have to download and install a special Burger King Media Player. It's some sort of NetMusic Performer Plug-in. I've never even heard of NetMusic Performer.

This line kind of scared me off, too:

Sponsor reserves the right to cancel or modify the program for any reason, including if fraud, misconduct or technical failures destroy the integrity of the program, or if a computer virus, bug, or other technical problem corrupts the administration, security, or proper administration of the program as determined by Sponsor in its sole discretion.

Nuts to that! I have enough problems removing ad/spy/malware from my computer without dealing with a P.O.S. Burger King music player.

I figured it was a scam to begin with, but for some strange reason I still felt ripped off. So if anyone would like a free shitty song from AOL/Burger King (you damn Whopperheads!!), go here and enter this code: 75M4QkW9BZWG. It's all yours. Just do me a favor and let me know what you got.

Sunday, October 03, 2004


So, I just heard on the local news that now the Hispanic population in Colorado outnumbers the Anglo population. But the weird thing was that Hispanics are still considered a minority group. So I have a few questions:

1) When does a minority become a majority? Is it fair to still refer to them as the "Minority Population", even though they outnumber the Anglo "Majority"? It almost seems insulting to do so.

2) Does this mean that I am now eligible to receive minority grants and loans for school and housing, and get support from Affirmative Action? After all, if I am denied a job, I can claim that it's due to discrimination and racism because I am a minority applicant.

Mull that over for awhile.

Your testicles and you.

Your testicles are an invaluable source of pleasure to you, your loved ones, and your whole family!
But what do you know about your firm, pendulous bringers of life?

The Scrotal Safety Commission

Remember: An informed scrotum owner is a safe scrotum owner. However, if you don't value your scrotum at all, please visit the link below.

Scrambled Eggs

**The first person to correctly identify where the phrase I used as a title came from will get a free Gmail invite.

HTTP 404

Saturday, October 02, 2004

An end to marijuana prohibition.

Clicky Linkage!

Variously quoted portions of aforementioned article:

Never before have so many Americans supported decriminalizing and even legalizing marijuana. Seventy-two percent say that for simple marijuana possession, people should not be incarcerated but fined: the generally accepted definition of “decriminalization.” Even more Americans support making marijuana legal for medical purposes. Support for broader legalization ranges between 25 and 42 percent, depending on how one asks the question. Two of every five Americans - according to a 2003 Zogby poll - say “the government should treat marijuana more or less the same way it treats alcohol: It should regulate it, control it, tax it, and only make it illegal for children.” [Well, at least 2 out of 5 Americans are smart.]

Marijuana prohibition is unique among American criminal laws. No other law is both enforced so widely and harshly and yet deemed unnecessary by such a substantial portion of the populace. Police make about 700,000 arrests per year for marijuana offenses. That's almost the same number as are arrested each year for cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, Ecstasy, and all other illicit drugs combined. Roughly 600,000, or 87 percent, of marijuana arrests are for nothing more than possession of small amounts.

This is clearly an overreaction on the part of government. No drug is perfectly safe, and every psychoactive drug can be used in ways that are problematic. The federal government has spent billions of dollars on advertisements and anti-drug programs that preach the dangers of marijuana - that it's a gateway drug, and addictive in its own right, and dramatically more potent than it used to be, and responsible for all sorts of physical and social diseases as well as international terrorism. But the government has yet to repudiate the 1988 finding of the Drug Enforcement Administration's own administrative law judge, Francis Young, who concluded after extensive testimony that “marijuana in its natural form is one of the safest therapeutically active substances known to man.” [I know that the 50 year old woman I get my supply from sends weekly checks to Al-Qaeda. Of course, that could be all the physicial and social disorders talking...]

Millions of Americans use marijuana not just “for fun” but because they find it useful for many of the same reasons that people drink alcohol or take pharmaceutical drugs. It's akin to the beer, glass of wine, or cocktail at the end of the workday, or the prescribed drug to alleviate depression or anxiety, or the sleeping pill, or the aid to sexual function and pleasure. [I've used it for all of the above, and more.]

Last year, a subsidiary of The Lancet, Britain's leading medical journal, speculated whether marijuana might soon emerge as the “aspirin of the 21st century,” providing a wide array of medical benefits at low cost to diverse populations. [Oddly enough, I have some sort of aversion to taking Asprin, Tylenol or Ibuprofin. I'll either take a single hit to get rid of the headache, or just deal with it. *shrug* Go figure.]

The Ejaculator!

In case you wanted to know how many kitten deaths you are responsible for. Apparently I have killed 6240 of the little fuckers to date.

Hey Bob Barker: I'm doing my part!

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.