Sunday, September 26, 2004

Golden Dumpies

As I have said before, when I finish posting I usually hit the Next Blog button in the upper right-hand corner. I figure if I take the time to visit and comment on other people's boards, then maybe I'll get more traffic. It seems to be working, too.

But there is a seedy underbelly to Next Blog. A world of she-male porn, bRoKeN cApSlOcKs KeYs, seizure-inducing color schemes and tarable grammur and speling. Christian teens run rampant, and for some reason, everyone in Brazil posts at 2:30pm MST.

So I have compiled a list of the contents in the Blogger Dumpster. The Golden Raspberry Award for blogs, if you will. I've made a few different categories that these sites fit into, and they all have to meet a certain criteria. I will be adding to this thread constantly, and everyone is welcome to submit. I will feature it on the sidebar so it is always accessable.

Here are the rules:

1) All blogs must be Blogger Affiliated. If you can't get there through the Next Blog feature, then you are ineligeble. Sorry Xanga and LiveJournal. Maybe next time.

2) Entries must fit into one of the following categories.

i) Color Gone Awry. This is for any board that makes you cringe and look away from the screen lest your eyeballs explode. It can be a font, a background, a color scheme or lots of flashing or scrolling adddons (chatterbox, animated links, etc.)

ii) Grammatical Nightmares. These are the blogs take forever to decipher. Not just occasional misspellings; no one is perfect, even I have a few posts where I forgot to run spellchecker. I'm talking about blogs that look like they were done in PGP. Txt msging psts whre thr R no vwls n ne of d wrds. Posts that like are written in like the way you talk to your fifteen year old friends or whatever and there are just like tons of run-on sentences and like junk like that all over the place like you are typing on speed whee!!! If you have to stop after every third word to consult a dictionary, then this is the category for them.

iii) Coding Calamity. Blogs that take FOREVER to load, require you to install special fonts or packs, have 5 prompts before the main page and popup ads flying at you every second or so. Scrollbars everywhere and none of them work. Things like that.

iv) Unexpected Porn. This includes straight, gay, transvestite, animal, text, video or any sort of genitals on your screen. Can be tasteful or trashy.

v) WTF, Mate?!. Anything that seems very strange to you. Terrorist Fun Runs, Teenage Mormon Midgets, Sites written in Klingon, Fanatical Redneck Muslims... if you scratch your head and go "huh??", this is where it goes.

vi) Teenage Wasteland. This is for teenage angst. Sites devoted to Joy Division and Witchcraft. Bleak poetry, goth-leanings and suicide references are a must.

vii) Word of God. Sites that do nothing but quote from the Bible, the Koran, The Turner Diaries or whatever the hell Scientologists read from. Also for Zealots and Falwell/7oo Club type blogs. Jesus save us from these people!

viii) That's Just Sad. For all the stalker sites, the I NEED ATTENTION!!! blogs and wierdos who have a conversations with stuffed animals.

ix) Worst in Show. This is the big prize. This goes to the worst of the worst of the worst. The blog that made you vomit in rage and horror when you saw it. It made you sterile and gave you retinal cancer. This is SHITE!

3) Entries can not go into multiple categories. If you have a site you would like to submit, attach the link with the category you would like to enter it into. Multiple entries are welcome.

4) You can vote on multiple blogs, but only 1 vote per category. I will keep track of the votes and post them next to each entry. This contest will go on for an undetermined amount of time. I will be keeping this thread in a new section in the sidebar I created called "Favorites". So feel free to check in from time to time to view and submit anytime you come across something HORRIBLE.

Golden Dumpster Entries

Color Gone Awry

Grammatical Nightmare

Coding Calamity

Unexpected Porn

WTF, Mate?!

Teenage Wasteland

Word of God

That's Just Sad

Worst in Show


Blogger iz said...

verily, i am ashamed that the first candidate for your Golden Raspberry Award is indeed, a fellow Singaporean. rest assured that NOT EVERYBODY HERE WRITES LIKE THAT. it is unfortunate though that the grammatical and anti-StICkYcApS population is in the minority. and here's another writing style[?] that annoys me to no end. the use of ellipses to link sentences...i have no idea why they choose to write this way...i suppose it translates into their rather slow...brain Pentium chip.

for proof that we are NOT all grammatical idiots in singapore [which is NOT in china], visit the following blogs. [mine! ohohoho]

i would contribute to your Golden Raspberries. unfortunately, hat would involve giving you the adresses and hence, exposing the idiocy of certain friends. which i think counts as treachery =[

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Blogger The Cunning Linguist said...

I think the anti-StIcKyCaPs population is limited to people under the age of 16 or 17. I remember back when I used to hang on the BBS circuit (pre-internet), everyone who was into WaReZ typed like that, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I was (and to a degree, still am) one of the ellipses folks. I call 'em "Dotters". No idea why I do it, I think it's still hardwired into my brain from days past..

At the risk of sounding racist, one of the things I have noticed about blogs is the white females usually have all the text-style writing (whre thy typ lyk ths) and kitty-cats everywhere, asian blogs usually have anime headers, lots of scrollbars and for some odd reason, randomly exploding fireworks on the screen, and young, white males tend to HaVe MoRe Of aN 31337 sTyLe oF tYpInG.

I don't think proper keyboard etiquite hits you until you are out of high school.

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Blogger Nick said...

How do you run across such wastelands? This represented a new level of "bad"; I am at a loss to find word for it... ...don't mind me.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

And what's with the music? I find the music so distracting on websites. I don't want to listen to these people's musical choices and I'm a music teacher!! Thanks for a great post.... I will definitely be bookmarking and checking back.

Oops... I'm a dotter. Sigh. Oh well. It could be worse as you have so admirably demonstrated.


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Blogger Adam said...

I'm not sure if I should be offended, or flattered to be on the list under "Word Of God". I am Catholic, but usually my Blog has little or nothing to do with my faith... or at least I thought so. Let me know how it is I should feel... lol


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